YouTube just served the Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter trailer up to me, so I took a big bite. Boy, does it make me not want to see a movie that I previously wanted to see.

1. I have no idea what the story might be.
Chances are that there will be another (probably many other) trailer closer to the release date that gives away more of the plot. But the reason I wish I knew more of the story is . . .

2. The visuals aren't interesting.
I'll give the trailer this: it's supposed to be in 3D, and my computer screen isn't. But otherwise, I defy you to tell me what visually sets this trailer apart from, say, the one for Priest (besides the distinct lack of Paul Bettany. Someone really should have called him). (Incidentally, Priest turned out to be a much better trailer than it was a movie).

3. BRAMMM!
Inception was a great movie, no doubt about it. Now let it go.

4. "From the director of Wanted, Timur Bekmambetov."
As opposed to "From the director of Night Watch and Day Watch, those ballin' Russian vampire movies, Timur Bekmambetov" because, hey, Wanted featured Angelina Jolie's naked backside and James McAvoy: Action Hero.

5. "Are you a patriot or a vampire?"
Abraham Lincoln was a Civil War president, not a revolutionary one. Slavery is wrong (given), but I'm sure Southerners thought they were (and still are) patriots of some kind. Also, are those my only two choices? 'Cause I'm Canadian, and we tend to be a little more gunshy about these kinds of declarative statements.

Of course, I'll still see it. But get me a better trailer, okay?