Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

For as long as I've known "Jack" and "Julie," they've been a couple. We've been part of the same social circle for about a year now, and they were a couple for at least a year before that. In the last six months or so, I've noticed a steep decline in their relationship. Basically, they fight all the time. At first when they arrived somewhere it seemed like they had been fighting or when they left it seemed like they were going to go fight. Then it grew into a heavy cloud over them whenever they were with friends, and now they're out-and-out sniping at each other in front of everyone. Obviously this makes everyone uncomfortable. I don't get why they don't just break up, since they are obviously just so unhappy. I talked to one of our mutual friends who has known them longer to see if this was something cyclical between them, but he says that Jack and Julie were never like this before. So, I guess my question is, can I say something to them? Why do people stay together when they are obviously so unhappy?

Just Break Up Already

Dear Why Indeed,

Specifically: Yes, but it depends on what you say. If you are closer to one than the other, make plans to meet up with that person. Gently tell that person, without wanting to get into gossip, that you've noticed that s/he seems unhappy lately, particularly with Jack/Julie, and you just wanted to know if s/he is okay. You may find out at this point that they are fighting about something specific: infidelity, illness, I don't know what. Then again, the person may just shift uncomfortably and pretend to not know what you're talking about. Since you've known them for a year, you probably know well enough if you should push or let it drop. Regardless of whether you get the full story, do not, I repeat, DO NOT advise them to break up. Unless you are asked for your opinion on the matter (and even then), your opinion is not desired. If Jack and Julie reconcile, telling them to break up will only drive a wedge between you. If they break up, they may decide to blame you as the instigator. Pretty much damned if you do and damned if you don't, so just stay out of it unless it's a question of abuse.

Generally: I have no idea. Some couples stay together because unhappiness works for them (because they are individually unhappy people). Some couples are too afraid to try anything new. Some couples only appear unhappy. It's next to impossible to judge from the outside.

You Don't Need the Quotation Marks; No One Thinks Those Are Their Real Names,

Miss Smartypants

Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

What's the difference between licence and license? I used to think that one was British (or Canadian) and one was American, but spell check isn't correcting either one. Are both correct? Is there any difference in usage?

Licence (license?) to spell

Dear Practice Makes Perfect,

In grade 11 math (yes, math), my teacher put something up on a board, and a student asked why he had spelt practise with an s instead of a c. Mr. Hurtle explained that one is a verb and one is a noun. It's the same here: licence, with a c, is a noun. You have a driver's licence. You need a licence to wed. License, with an s, is a verb. You are licensed to drive. You need to be licensed to wed. Licence/license, practice/practise, and advice/advise all follow the same rule. Since advice/advise is probably the one you are familiar with, try subbing them into a sentence with one of the other two and seeing which one works. You wrote to my advice column. I advised you to try substitution.

Practising perfection,

Miss Smartypants

Art: Nina Charest

The other day an old boss emailed me about a position opening up at the company where I interned a few summers ago. I don't know much about the job, and the company isn't the best fit for me, career-wise, but I'm graduating soon. Is it better for me to walk into the wrong job (at least then I'll have one) or should I at least try to find something in my field first?

One Wrong Move?

Dear Move,

Why can't you do both? First, get as much information as you can about the job: what it entails, the salary and benefits, who you would report to, contract or full time, etc. Next, determine how long after graduating you can go without a job. Six weeks? Three months? Six months? Finding a job can be difficult enough without adding in the career focus. You can tell your old boss this if you feel it necessary, but there's nothing to stop you from taking the wrong job while looking for the right one. It will keep a roof over your head and food on your table while allowing you to set aside money to help you make it through if you decide to look for a career full time. I understand why you don't want to get trapped so soon out of the gate, but you're never under any obligation to stay forever at a job you don't like. Make a contract with yourself, e.g. I will give this job six months before I start looking for something else, I will spend at least one hour an evening looking for something better suited, and so on. So long as you know what you're doing and you don't get yourself into a situation that you can't legally get yourself out of, there's no reason you can't look for something in your field with a little money in your pocket.

Checkmate,

Miss Smartypants

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Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

Do I have to do something with my partner for Valentine's Day? My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months now. I've never liked Valentine's Day, and having a boyfriend doesn't make me any more inclined to do something for it than I was before. He's marginally more romantic than I am, so I'm worried that the day means more to him than it does to me (we're both more the type to be moved by someone remembering your favourite kind of cookie than spontaneously bringing flowers home). I'm also worried that if I try to get at his feelings about it with a leading question like, "What do you want to do for Valentine's Day?" it will put pressure on him to do something extravagant. I'd rather just sit at home and watch HBO. How do I approach the situation?

It's a Work Night Anyway

Dear Casanova,

If you don't like Valentine's Day, just say so. Six months is long enough that you should feel comfortable acting like yourself in relationship. Sit your boyfriend down and ask him if he already has something planned for Valentine's Day. If he doesn't and you get the sense that he now feels pressure to, explain that you've never been one for making a big deal about St. Valentine's martyrdom. Make sure he believes you. Then, if you discover it is important to him to mark the occasion, find a compromise activity. If he does have something planned, try to have an open mind about it. You might find that you like it. If you don't and you make it to this time next year, sit him down in January and tell him you don't want to make as big a deal about Valentine's Day this year. Relationships are about compromise. If you can last 18 months, you'll have learned that lesson ten times over.

Romantically,

Miss Smartypants

Got problems, relationship or otherwise? Send 'em to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Art: Nina Charest

About six months ago, I started my first permanent job. Through university and since graduation, I've been living pretty hand to mouth. Fortunately, I don't have any big debts to pay off (monthly credit card bill, but that's about it). What I'm wondering is, should I budget? I'm making enough money that I can pay my bills and still have a little left over at the end of the month, but there's nothing I'm really striving for. Should I enjoy this liquidity for the time being and think about it later?

Planning Ahead Was Never My Forte

Dear Forte,

In this economy? No, you should not think about this later. You should think about it now. First, keep track of how much you spend in a month. Not just the big stuff (rent, phone, internet, hydro), but everything: groceries, coffee breaks, movies, after work drinks. Don't total it up and end up altering your behaviour just because you are keeping track of it. Wait until a full month has passed and add that in there. Take your grand total and subtract it from the amount you make in a month. Now you know exactly how much liquidity you really have. With this figure in mind, find a financial planner. This might be through your bank or someone you know who has one. A financial planner will be able to  -- get this -- help you make a financial plan. Through a series of questions, you'll be able to determine what you want to do with your money: go on a trip? lease a car? plan for unemployment? Not saying that to be mean, but it could happen. If you're lucky, your planner should be able to come up with something that saves toward retirement (sigh, yes, you need to start doing that right away) and something you can enjoy sooner (like that trip).

Also, please consider setting up a monthly contribution to a worthwhile charity. Haiti is top of mind right now (and that's a great place to start), and there are so many NGOs and charities that could do great things with your money every day of the year. It feels good to use our Western affluence for something other than ourselves. And you'll get a nice tax break. It's win-win.

Fiscally,

Miss Smartypants

Miss Smartypants isn't a financial planner, so she has one. You're not an advice columnist, so send your problems to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .