Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

I went to the theatre with a couple I know the other week, and I noticed something odd. I've known them a while, and I don't know how I didn't notice before. They are the most PDA-offensive couple I have ever met. How long are intermissions? Ten minutes? 20 minutes? Whatever, the point is that they kissed, full on the lips kissed, four times. Four! I don't know, that struck me as a lot. It's not like they're in the first blush of romance, either. They've been together three years or so now. Maybe it's a new thing? Is there anything I can say if they keep this up?

Seriously FOUR

Dear Four,

Short answer: No. Well, let's back up: you say that the couple has been together for years, and you've never noticed this kind of touchy-feely behaviour in the past. Is it possible that it's only getting to you now because of you? Perhaps a recent break up or an extended period of singledom? Did someone new to the couple notice their high level of PDA and you're only now seeing it for yourself? Let's say it is a new development: it says change in the relationship. Perhaps it's a positive, like an engagement or a pregnancy. Perhaps it's a couple trying to re-engage after a down period or even an affair. If it's one of the positive things, chances are you'll find out soon enough. If it's the negative, it's none of your business. Monitor the situation over the next few weeks. If necessary, you could try remarking to one that they seem really happy lately and see where that goes. Otherwise, just endure. Chances are it will die down.

Smooches,

Miss Smartypants

Friends acting weird? Let Miss Smartypants set 'em straight: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

I was at Bulk Barn this morning picking up some flour, and I noticed that above the type of flour it said "soft." The flour in the bin below was "hard." I looked around, and, sure enough, flours can be hard or soft. What does that mean? What's the difference?

Baking Can Be Tricksy

Dear That It Can,

Pastry flour, right? Pastry flour is "soft." Soft flours have lower protein and gluten contents because they are made from softer wheat like winter wheat. Soft flours, like cake or pastry flour, produce more tender and flaky products, which is what makes them good for things like, well, cakes and pastries. If you were making a chiffon, for example, then you would want a soft flour to help keep it light. Soft flours also tend to come "pre-sifted," which helps introduce air into the flour, again making it lighter. Hard flours, par contre, are made from harder wheat, like spring wheat, and have higher protein and gluten levels. Bread flour is hard flour because obviously you would want a loaf of rye to be denser than that chiffon. For general use, keep all purpose flour, which is a blend of hard and soft flours, on hand.

And since we're all here, self-raising flour is a blend of flour, baking powder, and salt. If you don't want to pick some up the next time you see it in a recipe, mix 1 cup of flour with 1 teaspoon of baking powder and a pinch of salt.

Now I Want a Chiffon,

Miss Smartypants

Confused? Let Miss Smartypants figure it out for you: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Art: Nina Charest

My roommate moved out a few days ago, and I finally clued in that the coffee maker sitting in the kitchen is, in fact, his. When he lived here, I never really thought of it as "his." It was communal property like the toaster or the microwave or the fridge. Now that the rest of his crap is gone, I know that it isn't something I bought. I have to contact him about some other loose ends -- should I mention the coffee maker? It makes a damn good cup of coffee. Finders-keepers?

Maybe It's a Parting Gift?

Dear I Doubt It,

I live alone. I used to live with other people, but the last housing situation I was in ended so heinously that I decided that living with other people wasn't my cup of tea. I mention this because there were a lot of things that my former friends and I got into disagreements over their provenance when our co-habitation ended. That said, it sounds like you and the former roomie parted on fairly amicable terms rather than in a fiery blaze. Regardless of whether he remembered to do his chores or put the toilet seat down, he still paid for that coffee maker. When you contact him about the loose ends, mention it. If he doesn't make concrete plans to pick it up or even so much as mention it, it's yours. And if he shows up months from now, all, "I'm here for my coffee maker, man," you can feel free to tell him, "You snooze, you lose," from yours truly.

Losers-weepers,

Miss Smartypants

Got problems? Sure ya do. Send 'em to Miss Smartypants at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

Every once and a while, I'll scroll through the numbers on my phone and see the name of someone I used to talk to, or type in an address in Facebook or email and have something other than what I intended pop up, and I'll wonder, whatever happened to X? I'm not talking about tracking down some old high school friends or Facebook stalking people from way back when. These are people that up until a few months ago or within the last year I used to see and spend time with, and now I just don't. Is there a time limit on how long we can go without communication before it's just too weird to try contacting someone again? What's the best way to go about reconnecting when it is appropriate?

I Can't Decide If This Was Any Easier in School

Dear Of Course It Was, You Could Pass a Note during Study Hall,

For what seemed like a long time, I was very close friends with someone. Now he lives on a different continent. He sucks at maintaining long distance relationships, so that's pretty much it for us as friends. We send each other emails every now and again, little comments on what's going on or what we're doing, but nothing substantive or approaching what we used to share. That said, if he were to ring my doorbell right now, I'd be thrilled to see him. There are those kinds of friendships: the peculiarities of time and distance may keep you apart, but the bond remains the same.

Your problem, however, is that you've just lost touch with people. First question: did you lose touch with them, they with you, or was the feeling mutual? Make sure these aren't people you accidentally (accidentally on purpose?) ignored by not returning a phone call, email, message, etc. If you did, your first order of business will, of course, be to apologize. Not profusely, but make sure it's clear that you know you dropped the ball. If they dropped the ball on you, you should probably take a minute to decide if you think they did that on purpose or accidentally. If these people are (were?) indeed your friends, you should be able to tell the difference. Now that you've narrowed the list down, you can, depending on the time lag between communications, call, compose an email, or send a card (gasp! stamps!). Let's make this the three month (call), six month (email), and nine month plus (card) rule. Do not blather on about yourself. Do not take this opportunity to simply send an update about yourself. Tell the person that you used to talk more and you've missed that. Ask what's going on with him/her. This might work, and it might not. Give a try.

And try to remember that sometimes people just drift apart when friendships have run their course. It's natural.

Check Yes or No,

Miss Smartypants

Got problems? Send 'em to Miss Smartypants at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Art: Nina Charest

My 13-year-old son, a well-behaved, sweet boy, already has what I perceive as a strange fetish. He loves and is fascinated by latex gloves. When he was little, he would stop in front of the rubber glove display at the supermarket and just stare at the packages of dishwashing gloves. He wanted me to buy them for him, but he would never tell me why. Now that he's older, he goes online to medical supply Web sites and "shops" for rubber gloves. Recently, I found out he had been visiting glove fetish Web sites with pornographic glove pictures. I installed content filtering software to block him from being exposed to such images. He was horribly embarrassed and guilty, and he promised to give up gloves forever. Apparently, it's not so easy. He still asks me to buy latex gloves for him when we go to the drug store, and he keeps piles of them around his room. He worries that he might not be able to find a girlfriend or wife who will be interested in sharing his glove love. Should I try to stop him, or should I just chalk it up to a personality quirk and worry no longer?

-- Hand in Glove

Dear Okay, Not Really,

This question appeared in the February 25 edition of "Dear Prudence," and a few readers have asked what I think of Prudie's answer and what I would say. Much like the last time this happened, I can't say I'm impressed. Emily Yoffe is not, I believe, what our dear Roxy Munro would call "sex positive." So, Glove Fetishist's Mom, you should just chalk it up to a quirk and worry no longer. That's exactly what fetishes are (or should be, at any rate). Since you've obviously already talked to him about this, do me a favour and talk to him one more time: explain to him that it's okay to have this interest and the only important thing to remember is that he has to vary his routine to ensure that he doesn't respond to only one stimulus. As for finding a girlfriend or wife who will be interested in sharing his glove love, given that his fetish is so banal, as long as he understands how unlikely it is that he will find someone to indulge his fetish 24/7, he should be fine. Throw that into your little talk, and then never bring this up again.

As for Prudie, having a fetish is not the same as committing deviant sexual behaviour. He's not a pedophile or rapist or zoophile. He just likes to mix rubber and latex gloves his sexual behaviour. If anything, this will help make the son more comfortable with using condoms (it's like a latex glove for your dick!). He does not need therapy. He needs someone to tell him that it's okay to be different and to remember that not everyone's going to be different in the same way. He's already embarrassed and guilty that his mom knows. There's no reason to make him feel worse by sending him to a sex therapist.

Respectfully,

Miss Smartypants

Got problems? Send 'em to Miss Smartypants at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .