Ask Miss Smartypants - January 4, 2010 |
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| Written by Miss Smartypants |
| Monday, 04 January 2010 00:00 |
Art: Nina Charest
At a party over the holidays, I witnessed a friend's wife and a mutual male friend having a heated conversation in another room. I couldn't hear what was being said, but it was pretty intense and the jumped apart when they saw me. I know this is jumping to conclusions, but the whole thing combined with how sensitive they've been acting lately screamed "AFFAIR!" to me. Now it seems like they're always sharing looks and finding excuses to go off together or lag behind when we're out as a group. Do I tell my friend what I saw? How can I without him jumping to conclusions, too? I don't want my overactive imagination causing trouble in their (from the outside) happy marriage. For the record, I've never suspected anything like this in the past, so it's not like I go looking for problems in other people's relationships regularly. There's just this . . . vibe between them that I can't shake. Stuck in the Middle Dear Stuck, Yes, they could have been talking about anything that they needed to discuss privately, and it might have been perfectly innocent. But if I take you at your word and you can trust your instincts, it might not be wrong to do a little digging. Fix to get Wife alone, and tell her what you saw. Explain that you are concerned and want to make sure that everything's alright. In all likelihood, there is a plausible explanation, and you will get it at that moment. If she can't account for the conversation or coughs up something you know to be bullshit, try the same tack on Friend. If you still can't get a believable answer, go back to Wife and tell her you know something is up. If you can figure that much out, so can Husband. If she still doesn't come clean, you still don't have permission to go to Husband. Watch the situation carefully. If, and only if, you become convinced that there is an affair afoot, confront Wife. You can decide whether to tell, force her to tell, or keep quiet after that conversation. Please try to remember that no matter what you saw, "SECRET!" does not equal "AFFAIR!" There could be all manner of private things going on: abuse, addiction, illness. Only stir the pot when it becomes an absolutely necessity. People say that honesty is the best policy, but kindness can be, too. Cruel to be Kind, Miss Smartypants Got problems? Send yours to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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