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|Written by Miss Smartypants|
|Monday, 26 July 2010 00:00|
Dear Miss Smartypants,
How much do you really need to know about a person's ex? When my boyfriend and I started dating, he had fairly recently gotten out of a long term relationship. Aside from sharing that information with me, he hasn't brought up the ex since. Now that we've been going out a while, I'm starting to wonder what she hasn't come up more. I don't know who broke up with who or why. It's not that I'm worried I'm just a rebound or that the pattern is repeating. But I wouldn't know if there is a pattern to repeat because I just don't know anything. About any of his past relationships. I want to make this work. I just don't know what I'm working with. Is there something wrong with the fact that we haven't talked about this stuff yet? Do we need to?
What If I Am Just the Rebound?
It's not necessarily wrong that you don't spend a lot of time dwelling in the past. If all he talked about was his ex, you wouldn't like that, would you? Even so, I get why you wouldn't want to address this situation directly, but that's pretty much the only option you have. You can be a junior high girl and ask around, or you can be adult and ask him directly. You tell him that now that he's had time to get over it and now that you are getting serious, it's time to get some things out in the open. Then ask him. Try to remember that you don't need to know every detail. Quite possibly his last relationship had just run its course. Or maybe he was an abusive, cheating bastard. He probably won't open with that one. You have to prepare yourself for the reality that if you ask questions, you are going to get answers. Ones you may not like. It's like being naive enough to think that it matters how many past sexual partners your partner has had. What matters is the one he has now.
Of course, if he refuses to answer your questions, that's an answer in itself.