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|Written by Miss Smartypants|
|Monday, 26 October 2009 07:03|
Dear Miss Smartypants,
My friend and I are planning a baby shower for a mutual friend. All of this is well and good, but she said something the other day that stuck in my craw. Her mom asked her why she was putting all this effort in for her friend (not sure why her mom has a say, but that's another letter), and my friend explained that it's the responsibility of the bridesmaids to throw the baby shower. We were her bridesmaids (two of four) several years ago, but WTF? I thought we were throwing this thing because we're her friends, no other reason, but that can't be right. You can't be required to by etiquette. Years can pass between when someone gets married and when someone has a kid. You might not even know each other anymore. So what's the rule?
Baby Shower Blues
I think I've made my feelings about bridesmaid-dom clear before. Thanks to said attitude, people generally don't ask me to part of their wedding party, which saves me from all obligation in these instances (also from having to shell out hundreds on a hideous single-use dress). I've never heard of your friend's rule, to be honest, which makes it suspect to my mind. Previously it was considered bad manners to have a close family member host the shower, and it's still tacky for the mom to host it herself. Emily Post on Entertaining doesn't cover baby showers, and Irene Davison recommends a small reception after the christening. It probably doesn't help that my etiquette books are for women in 1928 (calling cards, the reception and return of). Nonetheless, my research turns up no evidence that bridesmaids are required to throw anything other than a bridal shower. Obviously you are still close enough to Mommy co-host this shower. Rest assured that you acted out of the kindness of your heart and not because you were obliged.
And brides-to-be out there? Your bridesmaids' duties end with the wedding, so don't expect them to throw your baby shower some day in the future. They can if they want to because you are still close, but they don't have to.
Don't forget to make sure her family isn't already throwing a shower,