I'd try come up with something more erudite than that, something with trenchant insight into Mad Men as cultural phenomenon, the commodification of culture, or the final sell-out straw, but who are we kidding? I own a Dylan McKay Barbie and proudly take him out in public. I so want Mad Men Barbies. Or I would if they weren't $300 US collector's items. Also, that's a really poor Don. I mean, my Dylan McKay Barbie really looks like Dylan McKay. They put some serious effort into that nine-head. These things are generic-looking.  I still kind of want the Roger one though I will hold out hope that someone one day makes a Roger string-pulley doll since Roger has all the best lines.

Wait, is there an Sterling Cooper Barbie-office for sale as well? That would be sweet.

Summit plans to release the The Twilight Saga: Eclipse trailer in front of Robert Pattinson's new feature, Remember Me, which opens tomorrow, which is why the trailer's on the Internet today. Oh, sweet Internet, what do you have for us this time out? More shirtless Lautner? More wolf vs. vampire battles? More unbuttoning? Let's see:

A few weeks ago, I went to see Shutter Island. In the wing seating, a lady started yelling at some people as they exited during the end credits. It wasn't clear exactly what she was on about, but, naturally, my sympathy was with the older lady over the "young punks." As a remix of Dinah Washington's "This Bitter Earth" played over the end credits, my viewing companion and I discussed how copyright issues over this very song kept Killer of Sheep, one of the greatest American movies ever made, from being seeing by the wider public for 30 years. Unfortunately discussing exactly what we are hearing during the end credits was too much for the now obviously old lady, who started yelling at us to "STOP TALKING!" Just in case you were wondering, according to crazy old ladies who scare away even their minders with their yelling, "OUTSIDE IS FOR TALKING!" You know, during the end credits in a mostly empty theatre. I'll admit to you that I was actually upset by the lengthy tongue lashing we got for, in my opinion, doing nothing wrong. 

This morning I read this story in the L.A. Times, and apparently it could have been much worse. Not to make light of the situation because it is terrible, but a meat thermometre? They left and came back with a meat thermometre? How desperately do you want to stab someone that you could leave and come back with the thing that tells you if your turkey is done? Also, stop talking on your cell phone, violent jackass.

Call to Local Artists
Patrick John Mills Contemporary Fine Art Gallery is now accepting submissions for a Group Show. Please send samples of your art work to the gallery (postal submissions only). Video, painting, poetry, drawings, installations, sculpture, anything.... crazy is good. The more interesting the art is the better.
Going Local. Group Show.
April 1st - 24th. 2010
Meet the Artists: April 1st, Thursday 6 - 9 pm.
Deadline for Submissions: March 18th.
Patrick John Mills Contemporary Fine Art Gallery
286 Hinchey Ave, Ottawa, Ontario. K1Y 1M2.
www.PatrickJohnMills.ca
No email submissions
Submissions will not be returned and only accepted artists will be contacted.

Ottawa - Local not-for-profit organizations such as volunteer-based community or recreation associations are invited to apply for funding under the 2010 Civic Events Funding Program, to provide one to two-day civic events with free admission that foster civic pride and develop community cohesion. These events are linked to and celebrate a civic/statutory holiday (i.e., Victoria Day, Canada Day), are held in a specific geographic district in Ottawa, and encompass a broad range of activities (family entertainment).
Maximum Allocation: $2,000
Application Deadline: March 24, 2010
Application forms are available at City of Ottawa Client Service Centres or by visiting ottawa.ca/communityfunding. For more information on the program or for any clarifications, please contact Brenda Denault at 613-580-2424, ext. 26459.
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For more information:
Media contact
613-580-2450
Public inquiries
3-1-1

The Ottawa School of Art (OSA) is now accepting proposals of current or proposed work for the 2011 exhibition season for both its downtown campus gallery and Orleans campus gallery.
Artists working in all media are invited to submit proposals. Group exhibition proposals are also accepted. Artists should submit only one proposal and should indicate the gallery in which they wish their work to be exhibited (i.e. downtown or Orleans). Exhibition proposals can be submitted for consideration at both galleries.
The deadline for submitting artwork is Friday, April 23, 2010. All work must arrive no later than 4:30 p.m. local time (EST) in order to be considered for submission.
Mail or deliver (submissions will not be accepted via email) your submission to:
The Gallery Committee, Ottawa School of Art
35 George St. Ottawa, ON K1N 8W5
For more information, contact OSA Gallery Coordinator Cathy Brake at 613.241.7471 x 27
Download the 2011 Call for Exhibition Proposals and Guidelines for Support Materials online at www.artottawa.ca or stop by the OSA to pick up your copies in person today!

GORILLAZ
Plastic Beach www.gorillaz.com
Dist: EMI Music Canada


We rejoin the band as Murdoc the bass player is gathering musicians and collaborators to create the new album. The new Gorillaz empire is set on a strange floating island deep in the South Pacific at the furthest point from any land mass on the planet... Introducing Plastic Beach - an island made entirely of plastic, debris and the washed up remnants of humanity.

Amongst the collection of historical remains and discarded rubble, Murdoc finds a book detailing the history of Man right up to the present day, except the last chapter "The End of Days" has been torn out - the future is missing. Time to get the band together, finish this album and have fun while the sun still shines...To complete the task, Murdoc has assembled some other musicians to join the band at Plastic Beach, these select people would join him on his floating Hellfire Club, as musicians, players and contributors in this wonky, damaged Plastic opera. Mos Def, Bobby Womack, The Horrors, Lou Reed, Little Dragon, rappers Kano and Bashy, Mark. E. Smith, Syrian orchestras, global musicians and more would be subpoena-ed to collaborate on this visionary Gorillaz record. TRACKLISTING.

Now that Gossip Girl is finally, finally back (unlike, say, Glee), we can hopefully staunch our rivers of tears and let the show get back to the things it does best: scheming, complicated sexual dynamics, and dire stupidity. Though "The Hurt Locket" wasn't GG at its best, it was a nice warm up for the full tilt run toward the season finale (don't leave me again, show! I mean . . . ).

Scheming

Chuck's running around all over town (even missing out on Anna Karenina-role play with Blair) in search of mystery lady from his father's grave (the last ep was about two weeks ago for the UES). Or, as Chuck puts it, "I think that whore might be my mother." In an episode that was actually kind of boring, you know Ed Westwick's exquisitely expressive face* made me choke up a little over that one. We finally meet her, and Elizabeth's got the right weird face (sadly lacking in expression), a weird accent, and half a locket containing a picture of her holding baby Chuck. Or maybe some other Bart baby. I am going to be très disappointed in this show if she turns out to be Chuck's mom after all. I will be happy if this means Chuck gets more to do, though. When was the last time we saw him menace anyone?

Russell Smith of the Globe on why we should lament the decline of the book:  "[W]e lose forever the pleasure known to humanity for 500 years of taking a stroll up and down the aisles of someone else’s brain by perusing their bookshelves."

Also: some recommendations for books to read: De Niro's Game, by Rawi Hage;  Evelyn Waugh's satire of Fleet Street journalism, Scoop (featuring the nature columnist William Boot's immortal line, "Feather-footed through the plashy fen passes the questing vole"); and, in the non-fiction aisle, The Lost City of Z, the journalist David Grann's story of following in the footsteps of the British explorer Percy Fawcett, who disappeared in the Amazon rainforest in 1925 while searching for a mysterious lost civilization.

TWoP has a photo gallery up about why The Vampire Diaries is so addictive (don't they know I already wrote all those posts for you in pursuit of what makes the show awesome?), but let me save you the trouble of clicking through with these three words: the Brothers Salvatore. I like Elena, I love Bonnie, Caroline's cool, and mad props go out to my dearly (sexistly) departed ladies Vicki, Lexi, Bree, and Grams. But the Brothers Salvatore make the show. Thanks to the writing and the wily performances of Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhalder, Stefan and Damon are never who you think they are.

At first blush, Stefan's the earnest, brooding good guy and Damon's his dangerous, bad boy older brother. While Stefan can be earnest and does brood (specifically with his forehead,  Damon would tell you), he's also far more dangerous than Damon could ever hope to be. Damon kills to feed or to protect himself: he's motivated entirely by his emotions. He views humans as a lesser life form, and it comes across in his every action.

Stefan, on the hand, tries to simultaneously embrace the benefits of being a vampire (longevity, super speed/hearing/strength) while rejecting that which sustains him (human blood). The wistful way he spoke of all the different jobs he's held for as long as he could didn't betray a longing to return to his human form: it spoke of someone determined to get as much as he could out of the life he chose. He's not self-loathing like Edward or Bill. He accepts, and he moves on. But you know what it takes to do as much accepting and moving on as he has? Motherfuckin' sangfroid, which he has in spades. Unlike Damon, Stefan readily forms human attachments, and his determination to protect them (not himself) from things that go bump in the night (although sadly not from Bumpits) leads him to some pretty dark places. We've seen him stake and flame-throw other vampires without hesitation. What will he do if another human ever threatens Elena? How far would he go? He's smart, funny, passionately in love, and loyal to both people and place. He's also an icy dispatcher of foes and not above poisoning his own brother. He's a study in contrasts.

Why limit your gallery openings to one night a week?

GCTC's FRITZI gallery presents:
Eric Sze-Lang Chan (eepmon)
March 4 ~ April 11
A visual art dialogue with “blood.claat"
Meet the Artist Reception (free)
Thursday March 4   6-8pm 1233 Wellington Street West (at Holland Avenue), 2nd Floor Level

Brian Jungen: Thursday, March 4 at 6 pm
Brian Jungen will discuss his artistic practice. A bilingual question period will follow.
Brian Jungen creates thought provoking sculptures through the reconfiguring of familiar objects. His work comments on a range of issues, from mass production and globalization to the consumption of Aboriginal imagery through museum practices. He first came to prominence with Prototypes for New Understanding (1998–2005), in which he reconceived Nike footwear into objects that suggest Northwest Coast Aboriginal masks. Since then his work has been exhibited extensively in Canada and internationally including at the Vancouver Art Gallery (British Columbia), Tate Modern (London), the New Museum (New York), the Biennale of Sydney (Australia), and Vienna Secession, (Austria).  The National Gallery of Canada collection currently holds four works by Jungen including Peoples Flag, 2006; Vienna, 2003; Vernacular, 1998-2001; and Shapeshifter, 2000.
In the National Gallery's Lecture Hall. Free admission. 380 Sussex Drive, Ottawa

American author/actress/socialite/designer Gloria Vanderbilt is establishing a literary prize for Canadian short-story authors. The prize is dedicated in the memory of her son Carter V. Cooper, who committed suicide in 1988. So, she's responsible for real life hottie Anderson Cooper, fictionally related to hottie Nate Archibald, and giving to the literary community in Canada? Gloria Vanderbilt is some kind of magic.

CALL TO ARTISTS
Blink Artist Collective is currently accepting submissions for the 2010 exhibition season. Blink Gallery can be found in Header House, a small, stone NCC heritage building in Major's Hill Park, across the bridge from the National Gallery. Blink will be mounting another exciting series of one-week shows from June to September, which will feature the work of Blink artists, as well as showcase a variety of guest artists. Blink is encouraging artists of all disciplines to apply.
Please apply with a non-refundable application fee of $25.
Please go to www.blinkgallery.ca and look for the application form - all the necessary information for application can be found on the form.
For any questions regarding application go to: karina_kraenzle@sympatico.ca
All submissions will be juried by Blink.
DEADLINE - March 15, 2010
Please mail applications to:
Blink Gallery for the Arts Inc.
PO Box 53070
RPO Rideau-centre
Ottawa, ON   K1N 1C5

The New York Post's NYPD March 3 blotter includes the following little gem:

Brooklyn

He just wigged out.

I'm a big believer in making your own fun. If the Daily Show has taught me anything (oh, how it has), it's that the news can play a big role in said fun-making. All you need are a few headlines. Such as: 

"Victoria dancers sparkle in the limelight"
Misread that as daylight, and you might think Stephenie Meyer attacked Victoria.

"J'ai tué ma mère fails to win César"
So not only did Xavier Dolan's film lose, it also came home to face a very disappointed parent Montreal Gazette.

Galerie SAW Gallery presents / La Galerie SAW Gallery présente :

FREE SCHOOL / ÉCOLE LIBRE

A new initiative proposed by members of the Board of Trustees of Galerie SAW Gallery, Free School is a free workshop and lecture series geared toward professional visual and media artists working in the Ottawa and Gatineau regions. Providing an exceptional opportunity to delve into a curriculum that few learning institutions deliver, Free School features leaders in various fields related to the arts, who will speak to artists in practical terms on subjects ranging from crating and conservation to working with curators and running a studio. Informative and accessible to a wide range of artists from emerging to established, this series is meant to enrich your artistic career all the while providing a unique networking opportunity.

Call to Artists
THE NEW ART FESTIVAL 2010
(formerly known as Art in the Park)
Saturday, June 5th & Sunday, June 6th, 2010
10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Central Park, The Glebe, Ottawa
Application deadline: Monday, March 8th, 2010
Information & Application Process: www.artinfoboy.org
The New Art Festival is a celebration of original, one-of-a-kind art & fine craft and the artists who create it. This unique event is geared to strengthen the connections among visual artists, craftspeople, art educators, galleries and the public.
Ottawa's hugely popular outdoor art exhibition is a free, family-oriented event in a beautiful park setting. This exhibition attracts thousands of visitors annually (previous years' estimate: 10,000 over two days).
Participating artists are selected by a jury comprised of practicing artists and arts professionals. We invite local food vendors to participate, provide shaded rest areas, do excellent publicity and work hard to make sure that the two days are fun and comfortable for the artists and the public. We know that art does sell at this show and that it is a tremendous networking opportunity.
Prizes are awarded in several categories.

RENT AND SELL YOUR ART as an artist member of ART LENDING OF OTTAWA
Next jury date is Tuesday, April 27, 2010.
More information on the News page of our website.
Or telephone: 613-224-8028

ALMOST ALICE
Various Artists
Dist: Universal Music Canada


Almost Alice features an eclectic array of artists with original songs based on the wonders of Lewis Carroll's beloved books and visionary director Tim Burton. This album featuring 15 brand new tracks is a companion release to Danny Elfman's soundtrack score. The Lead single is the Avril Lavigne end credit song "Alice." Track Listing.

If you watched the closing ceremonies of the Olympics, you may have come away with the impression that Russia's culture is a little more...mmm...high-brow than Canada's. (Please don't think I'm necessarily complaining about this, though.) They have the Bolshoi Ballet, we have giant floating beavers; they have Valeri Gergiev and the Mariinsky Orchestra (who, incidentally, will be at the National Arts Centre on March 15), we have William Shatner and a sadly under-used Catherine O'Hara telling very poor jokes. (We do, on the other hand, have Neil Young, who is probably worth a couple of those wordy 19th-century Russian novelists all on his own.)

The Russians have always taken their culture seriously - sometimes too much so. The poet Osip Mandelstam famously said, "Only in Russia is poetry respected - it gets people killed." (He himself would eventually become one of the victimes.) Joseph Stalin had been a well-known, even admired, romantic poet in his youth in Georgia, and showed a lively (and deadly) interest in Soviet writers and composers after he became dictator.

But still - they were also able to produce something like this: