With all the political unrest and protests exploding all over the world I thought it would be helpful to analyze the foods that are the most commonly thrown during a protest and decide what kind of statements each food makes about your dissatisfaction. There are several things you need to consider when picking your ammo. How easy is it to throw? What kind of mess will it make? Will it drastically injure someone or do some serious property damage? How much will this set me back? And finally, can I get it past the Fuzz easily? Here is a rundown of your potential projectiles.
Aimed at bad comedians since the beginning of time.
Throwability: It's the perfect size and shape to pelt at your opposition. It is highly appropriate for skill shots at perhaps a crazy despot or for anything chaotic where mass confusion and mess is the name of the game.
Splatter Factor: The tomato can make a great mess given it is the right kind and at a decent ripeness. For example, the Roma would be an unfortunate choice for throwing if you are looking for a good splatter. But on the whole the tomato splatters very well.
Injury Potential: It's a soft food (unless, again, it is the wrong kind or not ripe enough) and thus it won't fatally wound or harm the target. A well-aimed and thrown tomato would probably just smart on contact.
Cost: Not too expensive. Just don't go for Heirloom Tomatoes or something. A bag full of tomatoes definitely will not break the bank.
Hideability: If you have a backpack or perhaps an eco-friendly bag of some sort tomatoes wouldn't be too hard to keep a secret until the time of your attack.
Final Analysis: The tomato is a classic for a reason. It's not extremely dangerous and has quite a fantastic impact.
You gotta break a few eggs, am I right?
Throwability: The egg fits in your hand so nicely and is so light that it is an excellent food to throw.
Splatter Factor: It results in one of the most iconic splatters. An uncooked egg is gooey and makes a really disgusting mess.
Injury Potential: The shell can be a bit dangerous, but, if you are looking for a bit of a welt, then it is completely appropriate to choose an egg as your edible projectile.
Cost: Eggs are not very expensive and thus are great buy multiple rounds of.
Hideability: Herein lays the biggest drawback to eggs: they are going to break and most likely in your backpack. If you have a few dozen eggs with you, it would be wise to tread carefully lest you end up with egg goop dripping down the back of your legs, a bit of a giveaway if you are trying to hide from the 5-0.
Final Analysis: Eggs are great and can cause some decent property damage if that is your aim (eggs can ruin the finish on your car), and they make quite a mess. Also, the results can give way to a lot of corny jokes, which is just a bonus.
Watermelon (regular v. personal)
"I carried a watermelon" -- Baby Houseman
Throwability: You will need some cannons to properly launch a full-sized watermelon. I personally would have to throw one of those granny-style without much aim and hope for the best. It is arguable that a giant man could palm a personal watermelon and launch it. Watermelons are one of the hardest to throw.
Splatter Factor: These will make a giant mess as long as it thrown with enough force.
Injury Potential: A regular sized watermelon would probably kill a person if they are conked in the head with it. A personal watermelon could still hurt someone quite severely especially if the aforementioned giant guy has the pipes I imagine he does. Just ask the contestant on The Amazing Race who had a personal watermelon smack her in the face during a challenge (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cfeTZNcA3g).
Cost: A regular watermelon, in season, is not going to set you back too much. A personal watermelon, however, is one of the more expensive projectiles.
Hideability: It is nearly impossible to sneak a watermelon inconspicuously past the po unless you want to try the old fake pregnancy trick. You can't really pull that one off unless you are a woman or Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior. Although my sister claims she can, without tricks or suspicion, successfully hide a personal watermelon.
Final Analysis: Watermelons of either size will cause quite a bit of damage to both people and property if the thrower has a lot of upper body strength.
Cup o' Soup
When you are too lazy and cheap to eat real food.
Throwability: A cup of soup is handheld and a great size to fly through the air.
Splatter Factor: If you have added water to your cup of soup, oh boy, there will be quite the splatter. If you just throw a cup of dry noodles, the scene will be significantly less impressive.
Injury Potential: There is great scalding potential to anyone near the scene. Those freeze dried vegetables can also get lodged in your nose and ears.
Cost: A cup of soup is really cheap. Just ask any university student.
Hideability: This one can be pretty easy to sneak past the Heat. The kettle of boiling water, however, may be a bit harder to keep inconspicuous.
Final Analysis: If you are looking to maim a lot of people, the cup of soup is your way to go.
Lettuce cause a leafy riot.
Throwability: A head of lettuce is light but a bit large. Despite its size it is fairly easily palmed and can be thrown pretty far.
Splatter Factor: Lettuce is has the potential to explode upon impact, but I have a suspicion that this is somewhat difficult to achieve. It will give the target a gentle but large bump.
Injury Potential: There is not a huge potential for injury with this one. At close range a bruise may form.
Cost: Iceberg lettuce is really cheap, so it is great for the budget conscious protestor.
Hideability: A head of lettuce is somewhat hard to hide due to its round shape. You may have to get creative with this one.
Final Analysis: Lettuce can be thrown rather far and is not going to mortally wound (or even just wound) your target. So if statement over injury is your aim, then lettuce is a great choice.
One potato, two potato, three potato DUCK!
Throwability: A handful of mashed potatoes is great in theory but may be hard to throw because it would stick to your hand.
Splatter Factor: If you are able to get a good technique down with your throw, then mashed potatoes will make a great mess. Bring a big spoon?
Injury Potential: Perhaps getting mashed potatoes in your eyes could be considered an injury. Otherwise, it is pretty harmless. I imagine mashed potatoes to be unpleasant to wash off more than anything else.
Cost: I am pretty sure grocery stores pretty much give away russet potatoes.
Hideability: You may need to get a bit crafty finding a way to hide Tupperware containers of mashed potatoes; it's not impossible but a bit of forethought is required for this one.
Final Analysis: If you can make it work, it would be a great projectile. Some planning and preparation is definitely needed.
A pie in the sky . . . or your face.
Throwability: This is going to be a close range food only. Launching a pie from any sort of distance is going to be a waste of a pie and, really, that is just wrong.
Splatter Factor: If you can get close enough, this would make a great splatter.
Injury Potential: A pie has very little chance of injury unless you use a glass pie dish or your target is allergic to the contents of the pie.
Cost: A pie is going to be a bit more expensive (and if you are making it from scratch a huge time commitment). If you go with the comedy classic pie made of whipped cream you can keep your budget low.
Hideability: This one will nearly be impossible to hide and not make a mess.
Final Analysis: A pie to the face is a classic for a reason. If you are going for laughs, then the pie is a wonderful choice.
I hope this helps to inspire some food-based political action and allows protestors out there to intelligently choose which food will help them with their "aim."