As you no doubt expected, Nate's thinky face was no match for the pure joy Ed Westwick unleashed at the end of "The Lady Vanished" when Chuck finally sat down with his mom for a chat. Of course, when she said she wanted to know everything about him, I laughed that she had no idea what she was in for. Part-time rapist? Full-time purple enthusiast? (Though the ensembles are on a downward trend. Not for craftsmanship, mind, but they are certainly less fabulous than they used to be. Remember his bass cardigan? The paisley? And what's up with the pinky ring/bracelet combo?). Although the episode was light on scheming, complicated sexual dynamics, and dire stupidity, it was also a vast improvement over "The Hurt Locket" and on par with the Gossip Girl we've come to know and love. Like so: 

The MotherChucker

Apparently Elizabeth Fisher (née Evelyn) is indeed Chuck's mom, which doesn't explain her uncontrolled accent or addiction to beige, but I guess we'll take it one step at a time. Seems she wanted to give Chuck up for adoption only for Bart to decide to keep the baby, so they cooked up the "died in childbirth" that, you know, saddled Chuck with a lifetime of guilt and strained his relationship with his dad.

Nate: "But Bart told you your mother died in childbirth!"
Chuck: "He also told me kids wear suits to kindergarten and blue-chip stocks are great for birthday gifts.

This story comes out when Blair bluntly (and awesomely) forces Serena to admit that by pulling a Blair and scheming to get Chuck and his mom together, Serena was acting out her own mommy/daddy issues. Serena getting the truth out of Elizabeth and coming clean to her about her motives somehow prompts Elizabeth to reveal that -- despite 19 years of not caring -- she wants a relationship with Chuck. Now I love Chuck dearly, but I've got my doubts that Ms. Fisher feels the same way. The show better be cooking up one hell of a long con here, or I am going to be sorely disappointed.

The situation also inspires Serena to come clean to Nate about her search for the missing Keith Van der Woodsen, and Nate somehow convinces Serena that she's better off giving up the search. Since we all know that Dr. Vdubs is on his way to the U.E.S, I can only hope that there will be a reason for Nate to punch him in the face.

Dating Your Drug Mule

Jenny making it clear to Damien that she wants to be his girlfriend in addition to his drug mule somehow only translated to Damien as "maybe will have sex with me." There's a lot of convoluted in between stuff involving Rufus and Lily attempting to parent, but it somehow added up to Damien revealing that he deals drugs he steals from his dad, the ambassador (apparently no one will noticed if an ambassador is coked out of his mind and disappears for days at a time), and aggressive Jenny once again running away from home. Damien's her new Nate. I think they are actually together now, but I could be wrong.

Turning Friends Into Lovers

Reading all those "how to turn friends into lovers" self-help blogs must have helped Dan because he actually hooks up with Vanessa in this episode. Despite re-introducing Gay Paul into our lives and foisting her extensions on the world, Vanessa is actually likable in this episode, vulnerable and sexy and sweet, and I think I might like Vanessa and Dan together. They're like two wrongs make a right.

What would be more right, of course, would be Keith Van der Woodsen frog-marched between Carter Baizen and Georgina Sparks. I guess I'll have to settle for Dorota forcing Vanya to reveal where Rufus left his scarf to Lily. There's a good chance that one or the both of them might stop being boring. 

Special shout out to the bowl of whipped cream Nate found in the fridge he just discovered that morning. Nate would fail to notice a double wide with frosted doors in the penthouse where he lives, and Chuck would ensure any fridge of his was stocked with fresh strawberries and a huge bowl of whipped cream (the real stuff). You know, just in case.