RuPaul's Drag Race: The Fabulous Bitch Ball 

Last week, the ladies (including a briefly re-appearing Kenya Michaels) got to frock some dads, with mixed results. The incoherent Kenya Michaels was sent home again, and no one cares again. The girls talk briefly about how Latrice has been in the bottom twice, but also about how Chad has never had to lip sync for his liiife. To be fair to Sharon, she only had to in that Frenemies week where she was relying on her arch-enemy, Phi Phi O'Hara. 

DILFs: Dad's I'd like to Frock

Last week, a very political challenge exposed the weakness in Dida Ritz (that weakness being her lack of style and boringsauce personality). Sharon Needles won the challenge for her frighteningly accurate portrayal of some recent female political candidates. Also last week, Ru announced that one of the departed queens would be coming back into the competition. It turns out that Michelle and Santino selected the incomprehensible Kenya Michaels to return. This seems like as good a choice as any, because at least she brings a professional look. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Frock the Vote

 Last week, Willam won the challenge, but was kicked off the show for "breaking a rule" of the show. We don't know what said rule was, but she is outta here. We won't find out what rule was broken until the reunion show, which is a damn shame. 

Frenemies

Last week, Phi Phi O'Hara finally did well and won a challenge. Jiggly Caliente was sent sashaying away, probably a few episodes late. SheMail arrives and it is a strange one where Ms. Ru fights with her frenemy…who is Ms. Ru. Mr. Ru introduces the mini-challenge, which is a fun one where the girls have to take a lie detector test. The most hilarious question is repeated in some form for each player. "If X were the last ladyboy on earth, would you kai kai with her". Yes, I had to look up the spelling and possible use of that. It turns out everyone would kai kai with Latrice. Good things to know. These lie detectors are used to gauge the girls' personalities, and then they are paired up with another girl that they are different from. The pairs are Dida Ritz & Chad Michaels, Latrice Royale & Willam, and Phi Phi & Sharon. The challenge is to stage a production of some new original song. The big twist is that they won't be syncing the song, they will be singing it live. For many of these girls, this is a problem because they don't sing. 

During the Ru visit, we learn that the ladies will be judged as a team, so the bottom team will have to lip sync for their liiiives against each other. That adds some interesting drama to the mix. The next day, the teams get a chance to work with Ru's music partner and producer, Lucian Piane, who will give them feedback on their numbers. Details of each of the rehearsals are below, but in general, none of the people know the song well enough. 

Dragazines 

Previously on RuPaul's Drag Race, Milan was a bit of a mess again, and was sent home. Jiggly was also in the bottom, and we learned that he is a balding dude. Willam won the Pride float challenge, and was generally annoying.  

SheMail arrives, and it is all about libraries today. That's right, these gals are getting read. As we learned in past seasons, "reading" is kind of like roasting. It involves slamming your fellow queen with details about how they are slutty, ugly, fat, or whatever. It isn't as mean-spirited as it sounds, and all of the girls seem to enjoy it. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Float Your Boat

Last week, Chad Michaels blew us away with his dead-on Cher impersonation. Kenya Michaels was sent sashaying away for not knowing who Beyoncé was and for being incoherent. I can't say we'll miss her. Phi Phi was told to step it the eff up, and we are really over her. 

The mini challenge this week is a wet t-shirt contest. The ladies each get a new silicone breast plate from some hilarious website that donated them. The contest is various degrees of frightening, and we see Latrice's blurred business. Latrice also does the freaking splits, which I am always impressed with.   

Last week, Madame LaQueer was sent home, just as we learned she was sort of annoying. This week brings us a great RuPaul's Drag Race tradition in the form of Snatch Game, and you should all check this episode out.  

The mini-challenge is called Beat the Cock, and the ladies compete in rooster and hen themed tasks. It is absurd, as usual. Phi Phi wins at pinning the rooster on Ru's face, Dida Ritz successfully blows a feather across a room, and Milan wins a ring toss game. Those three compete in a final challenge that is a variation of an egg and spoon race. I'll not go into more details. Phi Phi wins a phone call home, and Chad Michaels is sad because it is his anniversary with his partner. In a rare moment of humanity (at least on the show), Phi Phi gives up his call to Chad. 

Ru introduces the Snatch Game challenge. Snatch Game is Ru's version of the 1970s classic game show Match Game. If you ever get the chance to see an episode of the original Match Game, check that stuff out. Gene Rayburn basically corrals 6 celebrities (who may or may not be drunk) and makes them answer dumb questions while horrified house wives play along. It is great stuff. Snatch Game is the drag version of this, with celebrity impressions.  

Last week, there was some drama between Sharon Needles and Phi Phi O'Hara. The Princess was (rightly) sent home. 

There is some brief chatter before the mini-challenge where Phi Phi is a bitch to Sharon Needles again. If she is going to choose a dog's name, I am going to make references to her as such. 

Glamazons vs. Champions 

Last week, adorably dumb LaShauwn Beyond was sent home for his lack of confidence on the mainstage and because Billy B. hated him. Lame. But he wasn't going to make it very far. 

SheMail arrives and Ms. Ru is talking about all of her songs like "Covergirl," and "Glamazon". Mr. Ru shares a video of a fan of Ru's named Piyah Martell who was born without legs. The queens are touched by her story and have to create a butterfly-inspired headress in her honour. They are varying degrees of fabulous, with Latrice Royale and Milan's number not even staying on the mannequin head. Phi Phi, Kenya and Jiggly take the win. Phi Phi and Kenya win a coin toss to be team captains. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Wrestling's Trashiest Fighters

Last week, a RuPocalypse gave us creepy looks from Sharon Needles and not really anyone else. Jiggly Caliente was given a second chance, while recent DUI-recoveree Alisa Summers was sent sashaying away. We will not miss her. 

One second is spent mourning the loss of Alisa and discussing how Lashauwn needs to speak up before SheMail arrives. It is cryptic, as always, and then Mr. Ru gives them this week's mini challenge. The girls get 30 minutes to sculpt an ass out of various padding materials. The results are ridiculous, and all of their new butts are like lumpy and stuff.  

Rupocolypse Now

Oh boy. We are back, people, and the most fabulous hour of reality television is with us. It is season four of RuPaul's drag race, and I am so happy to be recapping it again for you. If you are new to the show or to my recaps, welcome. This show gives us reality TV at its very best, a unique look at a bizarre world filled with larger-than-life characters. 13 drag queens compete to become "America's Next Drag Superstar", and this is evaluated based on four criteria. Charisma. Uniqueness. Nerve. Talent. The ladies enter one at a time and size each other up. My first impression reactions of each of them are below.

Willam: Willam starts off by telling us how she is an actor and has been on Sex and the City (or perhaps it is the movie, I don't know). She makes a point of saying he didn't come up through the club system, so she is a bit of an outsider. She really has a lot to say about herself, and I am guessing she will clash with some people. She is a very pretty lady.

A great show called Parks and Recreation features a great mustachioed man named Ronald Swanson. He is a libertarian government official, a lover of breakfast food, a high-and-tight haircut enthusiast, and an all-around man's man.

Vancouver is playing host to the top female soccer players in North and Central America this week and next, and I will be sharing my thoughts on the tournament in this blog. I don't promise a report everyday, but certainly a few updates will be coming. First let me say that there are plenty of tickets still available, and if anyone is looking for a fun way to spend an evening, they should head down to BC Place and check it out. All of the details can be found at CONCACAF's website, but there are 2 games every evening (one at 5:00pm and one at 7:30pm), and one very cheap ticket will buy you access to both. 

The first two games of the tournament took place last night, with a game between Costa Rica and Cuba kicking (see what I did there?) things off. Costa Rica's speed and quick passing gave them the early lead over Cuba (with a goal from Saudy Rosales). Costa Rica dominated possession and some really skilled defensive play saved not one, but two shots headed into an otherwise open net. 

The main event of the night was Team Canada's debut in the tournament. The team was lead by their captain and outright star, Christine Sinclair, who scored 4 goals during the game, contributing to the 6-0 defeat of the national team from Haiti. The Canadian defence was hardly tested, but their controlled passing and movement on the ball set the tone for the game. There was one unfortunate injury, when the Haitian goalkeeper collided with one of her own players while retrieving a shot. The collision was brutal, and the goalkeeper was eventually evacuated to the hospital. No further details about her condition have been released at this time. 

April told us about a couple of her favourite songs, Emily shared a hilarious roast of one of the world's worst Christmas songs, and now I'll throw a couple more of my favourites this year into the mix. Check out the following offerings from Coldplay,  Roger Whittaker, Judy Garland, and She & Him.

The finals are here! It seems like we have been at this for a very long time. And by we, I mean me. Hope Solo was thankfully sent home last week, leaving us with three deserving finalists. We have the inspiring J.R. Martinez (a veteran who was badly injured while serving the U.S. military), former talk show host Ricki Lake, and relative of "famous" people, Rob Kardashian. If you had told me when we started this season that I wouldn't be actively rooting against Rob this week, I would not have believed you. He still isn't my favourite, but he has worked hard and earned his spot in the finals. Also, I love his partner, Cheryl. For the finale show (which is thankfully just one hour), each of the couples have just two dances including a fun freestyle round, and they get to have a teaching session with one of our esteemed judges as well.  

Ricki Lake and Derek (Cha Cha Cha):

Nancy Grace was finally, finally sent home last week, about three weeks too late. She was the worst. With that, we are down to only four teams left, with J.R. Martinez and Ricki Lake as our frontrunners (and frontrunners in my heart). Hope Solo continues to be a poor dancer paired with a crappy partner. Rob is just unsympathetic, and I don't care much what happens to him. Each team has three dances this week, including an Argentinian tango with lifts allowed. 

Hope Solo and Maks: In their first clip package, we learn that Hope has a really bad shoulder that has like 12 pins in it. It is very painful, and we see her getting this huge horse shot of something into it. Gross. She said she was saving that shot for the mother-effing Olympics (!). Hardcore. That clip package did make me like Hope more…props to her for not complaining about her injury.

Last week, David Arquette was sent home, before both Nancy Grace and Hope Solo. Lamesauce! He was by no means the strongest dancer, but he had the personality and effort sorely lacking in the two women I just mentioned. The group dance was probably a big part of his undoing, which is a shame. I will miss seeing Courtney Cox in the audience. This week we have the old "instant dance", which is where the couple don't receive the music to one of their dances until 20 minutes before they perform. In the past, this has led to some mixed results, with some thriving under the pressure, and others visibly cracking. I assume tonight will be no different. 

Rob Kardashian and Cheryl (Quickstep): Cheryl is cracking the whip this week, with the goal of making sure Rob gets into the semis. I assume all of the pros will be taking this approach. Their quickstep is to a slightly odd song, which is "Take on Me" by A-ha. The song just sort of isn't fast enough for the dance or something. Their fast footwork parts are to the chorus, which is the slow, drawn out "taaaaaaaaaake on meeeeeee". It just doesn't match up somehow. That being said, I think the dance was strong and it seemed like Rob was on top of it. Len really liked it, once they got into hold. Bruno says something incoherent. He is happy with Rob's ass this week. Carrie Ann has some ridiculous bangs going on this week, and they are like all up in her eyes. Like that muppet. She thinks he has improved tremendously. Scores: 9,9,9.

Yikes! All of the couples are in frightening costumes in honour of this spookiest of evenings. Tom introduces himself as Tom Boooogeron, which is awesome. Brooke is wearing a dumb black wig. I can't believe we are down to the top 6, and I can't believe Nancy Grace is among them. 

Last week, Chaz was finally sent home, probably two weeks later than he should have been. I loved his effort, and he is a really interesting person, but he wasn't a good dancer. 

 David Arquette and Kym (Cha Cha Cha): These two are doing a dracula-themed cha cha that uses magic too. Fun stuff. It starts off a bit lame, because the clip package promised that David would be doing some cool magic. There are some other cool effects in the dance, though. Like when fringe on Kym's dress just appears while she is spinning, and when a spider web appears at the end. The dance itself is ok. For David, it is pretty controlled, but also fairly uneven. Len thought it was very fun and original. Bruno says David was a natural at turning tricks. Carrie Ann thinks David's improvement has been phenomenal. Ah…they reveal in the Brooke interview that the trick we were supposed to see got lost backstage before the routine. How sad. Scores: 8,8,8.

Last week, Carson was sent home because of low scores and bad dancing. This week, it is Broadway time at DWTS. Exciting. The show opens with a number from the new Broadway musical Sister Act. It is fun, but I don't think anyone other than the main lady are actually singing, which is strange for Broadway. Apparently Kristin Chenoweth is here as a special guest. Score!

DWTS: 80s Week!

Last week, Chynna completely forgot her routine, and was sent home. She was a decent dancer, but I think she just had relatively few fans to keep her in it. It is surprising again that she went before Chaz, Carson, and Nancy, just because they are clearly weaker dancers. That being said, she did completely forget her routine.