Last week, Kristin Cavallari was sent home, even though she had markedly better scores than both Chaz and Nancy Grace. She was really forgettable, and I hate Mark Ballas. This week, the previews have promised us some Cher, and she better show up, or I am going to be piiiiiiissssed. The gimmick this week is "Let's go to the Movies", where the dancers will be rocking it out to movie scores.
There is an opening number featuring some of the pros in reserve, and it is both boring and awkward.
Chynna and Tony (Tango): They are dancing to the score from Mission: Impossible, and they seem to have a bit of tension in the rehearsal. Chynna asks a lot of dumb questions and seems to be annoying Tony. Tony starts the dance in a harness above the stage and then drops at like 1 mile an hour. It is not very cool. Chynna's tango dress is cut right up past her business and looks very slutty. I am not sure what is going on in the dance, but it is super slow and I think Chynna messes up at least three or four times. It is really one of the worst tangoes I have seen in a long time. Bad choreography, bad dancing. Len: "It all went up the Swanee River". Chynna knows it. Bruno says she was hot, but lost the entire dance. Carrie Ann knows she got lost, and thought she held her composure. Scores: 7,7,7. Holy crap, that was overscored.
David and Kym (Paso Doble): These two are dancing to the theme from Raiders of the Lost Ark. David does really well with this dance. He sells the character the entire time, and his form isn't too bad either. He suffers from a bit of pancake hands here and there, but it isn't as distracting as I have seen from some people (I'm looking at you, Kurt Warner). Bruno thought it was a wild ride, but in a good way. Carrie Ann thought he had tons of bravado and charisma. Len didn't like his shape or his pancake hands. Scores: 8, 7, 8
Carson and Anna (Viennese Waltz): This pair is dancing to Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Carson is hilarious in the clip package again, hitting on their swordplay instructor and commenting about how pirates are just guys in tights and open shirts who are looking for jewellery. Len is going to hate the opening of this one…they are on a fake boat for a long time and then do some dumb sword fighting. Carson looks absolutely ridiculous in his pirate makeup. He actually looks like Aaron Eckhart when he was Erin Brockovich's boyfriend. There is basically no waltzing in the dance, and I don't see a kind review coming. Carrie Ann said it was weird, and his most butch performance. Len says "it was like childbirth: terrible while it's happening and a joy when it's over". He does admit it was fun. Bruno's toupee is looking strange tonight. Scores: 7,6,7
Nancy and Tristan (Paso Doble): How is Nancy Grace still in this thing? It's not like she is the worst dancer I have ever seen, but she isn't good, and she isn't personable. During the clip package, Nancy calls the dance the "passe doble" in true southern form. I for real had Texas math teachers who called height, "heighth" and volume, "vol-yum". It is a sickness. I miss most of this dance because I am sharing with y'all the delights of my Texan education. It seems pretty good for her. Len says there was nothing to get excited about, and her technique was medium. Bruno says she needs to go for it more. Carrie Ann thinks Nancy deserves more credit for how she has been dancing. Scores: 7,7,7
Hope and Maks (Foxtrot): These two are dancing to the score from Toy Story 3. Maks has choreographed kind of a cutesy, youthful foxtrot, and it works with the song, and their western wear. The technique seems fine to me, if not super exciting. Bruno thought it was lovely and cute. Carrie Ann thought it was totally unexpected and wonderful. Len "I get frustrated and I'll tell you why--" "Age?"- Tom cuts him off. Bruno and Carrie Ann lose it…hilarious. Anyways, Len thinks Maks needs to do better as a teacher, and think Hope can go all the way. Scores: 8,8,8
Rob and Cheryl (Paso Doble): The music for this Paso is the score from Superman. Rob is telling us that he actually cares about the doing well now, which seems like he is more admitting that he didn't try before. Lame. The dance is pretty good, and I think the judges will tell us that is technically well-executed as well. There isn't too much fluff and all of the movements are strong. Carrie Ann thinks Rob moves well, and that he was spicy today. Len didn't love it, and he seems really cranky tonight. He does admit to liking it. Bruno thinks Rob has musicality, but could be more aggressive. Scores: 8,8,8
Ricki and Derek (Tango): Dancing to the score from Psycho...how fun. I have also just realized I may have been misspelling Ricki's name this whole time. Derek is finding the music really difficult to work with, and Ricki is struggling with the tango. The dance begins and it is very frantic, but much of that is dictated by the crazy score. Once the pair is in hold, they look pretty good. They also benefit from some impressive staging and lighting. The crowd gives them a standing O and Bruno and Carrie Ann are going crazy. Len says that Ricki is like the U.S. Mail, and she always delivers. Bruno thinks it had tension, suspense and technique. Carrie Ann thinks it was brilliant. Scores: 10,9,10!
Chaz and Lacey (Paso Doble): Cher is here, people!! I have been waiting for this one. Chaz is dancing to the score from Rocky, how fun. Lacey brings Chaz to Richard Simmons' workout space, and that poor man is just looking haggard. DId I mention that Cher is here? Because she is, y'all. Chaz does a little better with this dance than in recent weeks. Perhaps his knees aren't hurting as much. It isn't technically super strong, but it is fun. Cher is so proud! I love her. Bruno thinks Chaz just keeps coming back and giving it his all. Carrie Ann thinks Chaz is amazing because he makes you want to root for him. Len thought it wasn't a full knockout, but his best performance to date. During the judging, they cut to Cher a few times, and at one point, they audience gives her a standing O. Fuck yeah, she deserves it. Scores: 7,7,7
J.R. and Karina (Foxtrot): These two are dancing to the theme from The Pink Panther. J.R. struggles a bit with the technique in rehearsals. This song is pretty amazing. The Peanut Gallery points out that they gave J.R. a mustache, making him Inspector Clouseau, but they have also dressed him in a bright pink tuxedo. Mixed messages! The foxtrot is pretty good. It is maybe a bit boring, but J.R. is so likeable, I'll forgive it. Carrie Ann thought it was ok, but that it fell a little flat, and she didn't need the humour. Len thought he was the best male dancer of the night, and insults Carrie Ann again. Bruno thought it was great all around. Scores: 8,9,9. I am with Carrie Ann on that one, not that great.
More Fog Machines:
- Random Celebrity Sightings: Dr. Phil and Robin McGraw in the house! That is a legitimate sighting, people! They didn't even do anything! And yes, finally, we get to see Cher! Bippity Bosman is also in the audience!! That would be Donny Osmond, if you are new to my DWTS recaps. Hahaha…Mark Ballas is sitting in the audience like a sad bastard. He isn't a "celebrity", but it made me laugh, so I shared.
- Celebrity Spouse Sightings: Courtney Cox, Billy Baldwin. These two are just always here. How lucky was Coco Arquette that she got to sit next to Cher?
- Speaking of Cher, for all my excitement, she really was barely in the show. I mean, let her sing, people!
- I realize that this is really a week and a bit late, and I apologize! Look for this week's recap just later today!