Dancing with the Stars: Send in the Clowns |
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| Written by Lauren Cheal |
| Tuesday, 29 March 2011 00:05 |
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The market for glittery jumpsuits gets its bi-annual boost with the return of Dancing with the Stars. I missed the first week, but clearly it doesn't matter. Let's dive into the dances tonight! Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna: Boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard! Last week this pair did a lackluster dance, and this week they have the jive. For being an former elite athlete, Sugar Ray is a bit tiny. This jive is medium good. Considering it is the second week, I give points for just keeping up with the music and remembering most of the steps. Anna’s hair is unattractive. The judges’ comments relay that his moves were not stellar, but he performed the crap out of it. Kendra Wilkinson and Louis: This person is apparently “famous” for being a former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner. Yeesh. I don’t care about her. They are doing a quickstep, but it doesn’t look like one at all. Too slow! Also, Kendra has some big knockers (of course) and she is wearing a strapless dress. As a fellow Woman of Big Cans (this is the pc term we prefer), I can say the she needs to wear a bra with straps. Did Len just say “chesticles”? Weird. The judges say she needs to perform more. Chelsea Kane and Mark: This person is apparently a former Disney Channel star, but my sister tells me that she changed her name after she was on the Disney Channel…which seems like a dumb move if she wants people to know who she is. They are dancing the jive, and Mark has stupid mime make-up on. As if he wasn’t grating enough already! The dance is certainly high-energy, which I appreciate. It seems like some of the make up and goofiness is distracting from the dance. Carrie Ann agrees with me. As does Len…not enough jive content. Chris Jericho and Cheryl: Cheryl is one of my favorite pros, and I am excited that she is teamed up with Canadian Wrestler, Chris Jericho. During the training, Chris wears this hilarious frame trainer thing. It is kind of like a stocks (of olden times), but it props you up instead of pushing you over. Their jive is great, and the judges have nothing but praise for them. Petra Nemcova and Dimitry: Petra is a former supermodel, which I only know because she has some dumb show about models on Cosmo. She is very tall, which is a disadvantage for the jive. Their dance is ok..not super high energy, and she seems to struggle with some of the footwork. They get fairly good comments from the judges. Kirstie Alley and Maks: I am excited to see this one. Kirstie is maybe the only person on this show that I consider to be an actual star. Their quickstep is pretty slow, and ends with a weird kiss between the two of them. The audience goes nuts for it, and the judges are generally praising. They do say that she lost energy as the show went on. Mike Catherwood and Lacey: I have no idea who this guy is, but his bio on the DWTS site says he has done some radio shows. Maybe something with Dr. Drew? I don’t care. Lacey’s hair is…what is that word? Oh yes, it is disgusting. Lacey’s hair is disgusting. It is dyed crappy blond and she has a foot of dark roots. She also looks skanky in her dancing outfit. Their dance (I don’t know what kind it is…maybe jive?) is a bit crazy. His technique isn’t great, but the judges say it is a big improvement from his dance last week. He is also crazy pigeon toed. (Formerly L’il) Romeo and Chelsie: Their clip package is pretty boring…a bunch of stuff about how Romeo needs to be a gentleman on the dance floor. They are doing a quickstep to a butchered version of “You’re the one that I want” from Grease. I found it pretty boring, but Bruno seems to love it. Len calls it the best dance of the night…which just proves that I don’t understand the quickstep (I have long-suspected this). Wendy Williams and Tony: I don’t know who this person is either. They call her a talk show host, but I just don’t know. She talks a lot. Her dress and styling makes her look really old. I thought the dance was too slow, and not that fun, but the judges say her performance was good. They say it is an improvement from last week. Ralph Macchio and Karina: Ralph did great in week 1, but he seems to struggle in rehearsal. His wife and two teenage kids come in to see him, and he looks really young to have kids that old. Holy balls. I just looked it up and he is 49. This is blowing my mind. His jive is fun, and high-energy, but he doesn’t seem to stick some of the moves like I have seen other people do. The judges agree with me, and I am on a bit of a roll with this first episode back (first for me, I didn’t recap last week). Hines Ward and Kym: I love football, and I love Hines Ward, so I am excited for this one too. I hope he continues in the grand tradition of Emmitt Smith (my one true love) and wins this thing. Hines is doing a quickstep tonight, and at least we know stamina shouldn’t be an issue. Overall, I think his footwork is very good, but sometimes you can see him thinking hard about the steps. The judges love him, and Carrie Ann even compares him to Emmitt. Win. More Steps:
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| Last Updated on Monday, 28 March 2011 14:14 |
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