Gossip Girl Decided She Didn't Need a Dad
|Written by April Yorke|
|Tuesday, 04 May 2010 09:14|
Last night's episode of Gossip Girl, "It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World," featured something I never thought I'd see: Dan Humphrey makes sense two weeks in a row. I know! In a episode with Will wreaking havoc all over the UES and UWS, Columbia being a real place and not just part of Nate's fairy tale, and Lily's Fake Cancer, it's pretty much just an episode of shock. Plus, real emotions! Ah, Gossip Girl. I've missed you.
Will's all, "Good progress, Lily!" in response to whatever non-cancer symptoms Lily is showing, like wearing a pink dress with a pink ribbon in her hair (breast cancer?) or suggesting that she's going to eat a waffle. Serena's so excited that she actually asks Rufus to "scoot" to make room for Will at a family brunch. She also decides to move back in to Prada Mafia (I know the art says PRADA MARFA, but I always misread it as "PRADA MAFIA." Let's just pretend that's what it says) in part to be close to her mother and in part to spite Jenny, up to the point of reclaiming her old room and throwing Jenny's clothes out of the closet (hilarious: it's a shot of endless black and grey items). Now, this might get you confused about what room Jenny was staying in before, but don't bother. Even the internal geography of apartments makes no sense on this show. Will decides to show Serena up by announcing that he plans to into their building as soon as the co-op board approves. Also, everyone's invited to a gala Columbia is hosting in Will's honour (a.k.a. the Party Everyone Ends Up At). In an unusual moment, Serena mentions inviting Nate and Blair to the gala to meet Will (not that we see this) instead of them just showing up for no reason.
Eric, because he is awesome, is not at all down with his dad, explaining that man left when he was two and is therefore a stranger. He drops Elliott in his dad's face and further explains that when his dad didn't bother to acknowledge his suicide attempt, he decided he didn't need a dad. So suck it, Will.
Rufus calls Holland (you know, that scarf lady) to block Will via co-op board, which, in turns, gets Serena and Lily to block him from Will's gala. Then, because all non-biological parental relationships on this show are better than bio-ones, Rufus nicely gives Eric permission to feel his conflicting Will-related feelings and Eric gives Rufus a pep talk about being the love of Lily's life. Elliott shows up because Will invited him over for a date with Eric (how, I wonder, but such is Will's dark magic), and Rufus runs off to the gala to make up with Lily. He does, quite nicely, and the very sight of Lily and Rufus canoodling is enough to inspire Will once again "abandon" the speech he had "planned" in favour of very publicly letting it be known that he's here to get Lily and his family back. I wonder if the Van der Woodsen tribe has suddenly run out of money, as it's been a while since someone took a run at Lily's fortune. Anyway, Lily and Rufus go from make up to break up instantly with Lily informing Rufus that he should spend the night at the loft, so she can have some time alone. I know Rufus conditioned her to think otherwise, but, Lily, this is not how marriage works.
To make matters worse, Holland informs Serena that she did have an affair with Rufus back in those scarf leaving days, so Serena tells Will to fight for Lily if that's what he really wants. It's a good thing Holland said this to Serena and not Eric because there's just no way that Rufus cheated on Lily. Holland, probably paid off or blackmailed by Will, would have been all, "Let's get freaky" to Rufus, and he would been all, "Like strum my guitar and sing that one song that I wrote and wear that rose shirt?" Later, the entire Van der Woodsen clan sits down to hot chocolate while Serena tells Rufus to call back later. Rufus looks stung.
Columbia is a Place on Earth
Blair decides that NYU is too depressing to be believed (her minions want to share an apartment in Alphabet City), so she invites herself to Nate's lacrosse game because apparently a) lacrosse is a winter sport, b) Nate is on Columbia's lacrosse team, and c) Nate goes to Columbia. Blair gets waylaid by those headband girls from her mom's fashion show (except Blair calls them hairbands because she is truly losing it) and ends up lying that she now goes to Columbia. Hilariously, Nate calls her out on pretending to be a Columbia student, which the blonde one overhears (they might have names, who knows) and reports to Gossip Girl. The Columbia girls are snide to Blair about it at the gala, but then some random reveals Blair's transfer has been approved. She will be matriculating there in the fall. Nate appears to explain that Chuck applied for the transfer for Blair back in the day, and he's so happy that he forgives Chuck on the spot. Later, Blair drops this bomb on the snide girls and warns them that they are dangerously close to her bad side. They look reasonably frightened. Finally, minions with promise. Chuck gets a thank you text for his troubles.
Lily's Fake Cancer is Totally Fake
Everyone and their brother (probably literally on this show) knows that Chuck is avoiding Lily now that she's got a black aura, but you know he's taking it poorly since he's still saying obvious things and wearing his black bathrobe. Blair shows up for five minutes to successfully talk him into going to see Lily, so Chuck shows up at Will's Columbia gala in a fabulous printed tux. Of course, the scene between Chuck and Lily is so heartfelt that I practically cried, which explains why the writers parcel them out twice a season. Anyway, Chuck is all, "I'm there for you," and Lily is all, "I don't plan to die, so you are going to be there for me a lot," and they hug and Ed Westwick's exquisitely expressive face regresses ten years and tries not to cry. Remember when his face's default setting was "sneer"? What a waste. Anyway, Lily's healthiness and Will's public declaration that he wants her back in enough to set off alarm bells, so Chuck posits to Jenny (pretty much just because she's standing nearby) that all is not right. Shortly thereafter, some random informs Jenny that she sold her antibiotics instead of oxycotin, which is enough for Jenny to do a little internet cancer research (I refuse to name that which is product placed) and pass along her findings to Chuck. Ooo, I cannot wait. I'm pretty sure scaring Chuck like that has nasty consequences, though I wonder how he can whore someone out to fix this problem. I also wonder what the eff symptoms sent Lily running to Will in the first place.
Dan Continues to Make Sense, World Collapses
As the two people who aren't invited to the Party Everyone Ends Up At, Dan and Vanessa are kind of extraneous to this episode. Basically, they are still miffed at each other over the Tisch thing, so Dan makes up some silly Humphrey-rules about which subjects are off-limits. Vanessa takes off for some off-limits thing, which turns out to be an offer for a three-month internship with CNN in Haiti (timely?). Dan's pretty pissed that she didn't mention this thing that could potentially have a huge impact on their relationship (which is his fault, so shut up, Dan), and Vanessa opts not to go because their relationship is so much more important than her career. Dan, however, realizes that that is dumb and tells her to go. They will make their relationship work. Man alive, Dan is making sense.
In other news, Rufus finds out that Jenny is a big ol' drug mule, but all he does about it is drag her off to the loft.
Next time: Looks like Will's lies come out, so Serena's dresses up like Carmen Sandiego (Jacob shout out!) to confront her lying dad, who suggest that they run away together.
1. So, Blair's apparently been doing so well at NYU over a grand total of 5 months or so that she can transfer to an ivy league school despite her blacklisting for (gasp!) inviting a teacher to the opera at the wrong time?
|Last Updated on Tuesday, 04 May 2010 01:43|