Gossip Girl Has The Shiniest Hair
|Written by April Yorke|
|Tuesday, 13 April 2010 11:10|
Last night's episode of Gossip Girl, "The Unblairable Lightness of Being," called an official end to Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck, as we know them, but plenty of other relationships were also pushed to the breaking point. For an episode that featured Cyrus Rose and centred on Dorota and Vanya's wedding, it wasn't the happiest day of anyone's life.
Nate and Chuck
Nate and Serena start out the episode encouraging Chuck and Blair to kiss and make up (Nate suggests buying Blair something, while Serena recommends an overture of love), but Nate flips the switch when Blair tells him that Chuck used her to get Empire back. Nate and Chuck have, quite honestly, one of the nastiest fights I've seen on the show in a long while that didn't involve getting punched in the face. Nate tells Chuck that he doesn't deserve to be with anyone (!); Chuck tells Nate that a) he doesn't have the full story, and b) Nate couldn't comprehend the complex issues that plague people like Chuck and Blair because all Nate and Serena have to worry about is who has the shiniest hair. Chuck is too down/drunk to notice that Nate wore his hair slicked back all episode, and Serena looked like she hadn't showered in a few days. No shiny hair there. After the break up is made permanent (more on that in a moment), Nate tries to pull Chuck away from some random Brighton Beach giantess, but Chuck hisses that he's single now and will do what he pleases. Angry faces all around.
Nate and Serena
Called it! Carter Baizen does come back with Serena's father in tow. Well, not in tow exactly, but Carter found him again. Serena's having secret breakfast with Carter to discuss the situation (love that Eric lies for Serena without hesitation), and Nate throws down an ultimatum that she never see Carter again. Serena, in a way that she never did with controlling Dan, gets her feminist back up: "I know you're still angry, but you have no right to tell me who I can and cannot see." Nate seems to think he can, though, where Carter's concerned. Serena takes off from the wedding reception to go with Carter to confront her dad (what's with these two and weird wedding situations?) but ends up kicking Carter to the curb (literally) when she realizes that he knew her dad's whereabouts for a full week before he told her because he wanted to see if there was still something between them first. Carter only gets to be smarmy this time around, so the idea's not as sad as it should be. Serena calls Nate to tell her how much she loves him and doesn't want to keep secrets anymore, but you just know that Jenny, who answered, isn't going to give Nate that message. Hopefully someone will give Little J the message to stop wearing those tights.
Rufus and Lily
Rufus throws a traditional shower/games night but ducks out on the wedding in favour of getting drunk and trying to track down his wife. Eventually, CeCe calls him back but only to cryptically tell him that he'll have to speak to Lily himself. Lily, naturally, is in Dr. Van der Woodsen's hotel room when Serena shows up at the end of the episode.
Chuck and Blair
Yeah, they're really done this time. Chuck's having his own movie-inspired nightmares and drinking everything in sight, so he's low enough to actually follow both Nate and Serena's advice, throwing Dorota and Vanya a traditional wedding on a day's notice and buying Blair a pretty necklace. Blair initially says no thanks in a variety of ways (even claiming that there has been change in their magnetic pull!) and later decides they should be miserable together because neither of them deserve any better (Ed Westwick's face is horrified, as you might imagine). Chuck finds out that Blair didn't sleep with Jack, and the immediate change in his demeanor (so happy! so conciliatory!) spelled trouble. Yup, Blair announces that she loves Chuck too much and doesn't like the person she's become as a result of their relationship, so they're over. Blair, meet me over at Camera 3.
Camera 3: What are you even talking about? Are you a crazy person?
In other news: Elliot and Eric follow up a bunch of non-starters with a dance, Dan (mysteriously) has Blair's back when she gets the wedding/break up blues, Jenny decides that the get-laid-by-Nate plan is back on, Eleanor makes an oblique reference to giving her daughter a raging eating disorder.
In two weeks: Chuck decides to sex and wine Nate back into being his best friend, complete with Jenny-sexing, because that's not at all weird and uncomfortably reminiscent of the time he tried to rape her, for which he so recently apologized, and Serena comes back to . . . something. I don't know, the previews are probably misleading. I do know that if Jenny's not careful, she'll awaken Dark Serena, who has murderous three-ways by accident. Imagine what she could do if she tried?
I've said it before, and it still holds true: everyone's relationships on this show are based on collective amnesia. Carter Baizen's bad again, and now Nate's good? Even though the last time they met Nate sold him to republicans? What happened to Carter's soul-searching stint on an oil rig anyways? And why is he the only person on earth who can find Serena's dad? And why will Serena's dad treat his ex-wife for her deathly disease of beautiful death, but not return his daughter's phone calls? And now Jenny's too young for Nate, even though he went for it 2 years ago when she was even younger? Whatever, show!!!