RuPaul's Drag Race: You Gotta Pick a Winner
|Written by Lauren Cheal|
|Wednesday, 27 June 2012 21:40|
RuPaul's Drag Race: The Final Three
We are here, people! It is final three time, and our three finalists are Chad Michaels, the fabulous Cher impersonator, Sharon Needles, the gothic punning firecracker, and Phi Phi O'Hara, an annoying yippy dog (I may be editorializing). Last week, we lost the large and in charge Latrice Royale, which was certainly a blow. I can't really blame the judges for their choice, either. Phi Phi brought it, and Latrice did not. She had so much potential (and lived it out in the first half of the season).
Let's get to the finale. Our last SheMail arrives (sniff), and the fabulous Ms. Ru just cackles for a full minute. The dashing Mr. Ru comes into the work room to announce the final challenge. The ladies will star alongside Ru in a video for "Glamazon", the title track from the album. The girls will be dancing, syncing, and acting in the video. They work with "legendary choreographer" (?) Candis Cane, and Sharon really struggles to learn the choreography. She doesn't have a dance background, as Phi Phi and Chad do. I hope she can do it!
The shooting doesn't go great; Sharon just doesn't get the steps, and the producers of the video are getting more and more annoyed with her.
The next day, the girls find a note on their mirror directing them to go to the Ladies Room, where they find previous winners Raja (love) and Tyra (don't really know but probably would love as well). Raja and Tyra tell the girls they will be acting in a scene with Ru, as well as sitting down to the customary lunch with Ru individually. As per tradition, one jelly bean is served to each gal. I don't know how they manage to finish it!
At Chad Michael's lunch with Ru, he reveals that he is estranged from his father, and that that may contribute to the way he shields himself from criticism by being so perfect. Phi Phi O'Hara also talks about her father, and we learn that his father was in the army, and was perhaps abusive toward him. It does make his actions this season make a little more sense. Sharon Needles talks about her boyfriend (Alaska) who has tried out for the show every year and not made it. He feels guilty about making it after one try, and has all season. Ru tells Sharon that Alaska would definitely approve, but Sharon is still worried.
Soon after the lunches, the shoot for the acting portion of the video happens. Chad and Sharon seem to do just fine, but the director has to tell Phi Phi to rein in her weird Disney performance. It is classic Phi Phi.
We move on to the mainstage of the finale, and it is tense, y'all. I really want to see Sharon take the win, but will her crappy dancing undo her? Do the judges love her as much as we do? I would be ok with Chad winning too, but I just don't really think he has enough uniqueness to get it done. I fear that Phi Phi will win, which would just be upsetting. The final judging panel is just the fabulous Michelle Visage and Santino Rice. Ru, a vision in honey yellow with black polka dots, with a fabulous structured bow fascinator that is divine.
We get a full viewing of the scene they taped with Ru. As with most of the acting stuff on the show, it is all poorly scripted and over-the-top. Phi Phi's performance is definitely the worst, and the judges agree. We also get to see the video, which is really strange and fun. It is a parody of a weird Japanese music video, with Ru as a Godzilla figure. The poor dancing of Sharon Needles is not really highlighted in the clip we see, but the judges do comment on it. The very best scene sees Ru stomping through a city (as a giant glamazon), and it is amazing. The judges deliberate, and there are opinions all around. Sharon has been consistent, but Michelle worries that she is too controversial and new for the drag audience. Chad is the consummate professional, but skews a little older (not just because of her age). Phi Phi is young and driven, but is not necessarily the most polished.
Breaking with tradition, Ru decides that all three girls will lip sync….for their liiiiiives! They sync to "Glamazon" by RuPaul, of course. Everyone does well, but of course I think Sharon is the best.
Ru announces that the winner of RuPaul's Drag Race is……going to be announced next week at the reunion show! Oh that cruel lady!
And through the magic of the internet, my recap of the reunion show follows here:
RuPaul's Drag Race: The Reunion
The live reunion show kicks off, and Michelle Visage teases us with the fact that the winner of RuPaul's Drag Race will be crowned, and we will finally learn what Willam did to get kicked off the show. I am on the edge of my seat! All of the queens from this season are introduced, with the notable exception of Willam, who isn't here. The final three are decked out in gold, while the others are dressed in black. Sharon Needles is dressed as a freaking mug of beer. How much do I love her? Ru does an amazing fake-out where she pretends that she will be hosting via satellite, and then the satellite breaks and she is, indeed, in the house. A vision in red taffeta.
We start the show with a little look back at our first three queens ousted. Alicia Summers is still unmemorable and boring. LaShauwn was sad that people didn't get to see what she was about. The Princess says if she was more of a character, like Willam, she might have had more of a shot. Madame LaQueer (ugh, I still really don't like her) says something rather incoherent about how she used to be picked last in high school, but was the main event. It doesn't make any sense. Milan gets to talk about how she always threw her wig off, and Ru challenges her to do it right now, saying she will do it too. Hilarious stuff, Ru! Jiggly is called out for her arts and crafts projects that were a damn mess. Dida Ritz apparently had a breakthrough with her family, in that they finally saw her doing drag (and supported her in this). Kenya gets a special guest translator in Charo. Ay ay ay. Charo is insane, and says that even she cannot understand Kenya. It is strange.
Finally, we are getting to the real juice here. Willam's story on the show is introduced, and Ru tries to fake us out again, saying we will have to watch Drag U to hear what happened. In fact, Willam comes out to set the record straight. Ru leads the audience in a chant of "What did Willam do?". Willam finally tells us, and it is extremely anti-climactic. Apparently, Willam's husband figured out he was on the show and came for "conjugal visits" to his hotel. The rule is that no one can know that you are on Drag Race (which doesn't really make sense because Chad Michaels called his BF), and this was a violation. What a let down! All the puking offstage and stuff? What the hell was that?
We move onto the fabulous Latrice Royale, who looks the absolute fiercest of the fallen contestants. His hair should be in a museum. It is amazing, and he is making the rest of the gals EAT IT. Ru keeps calling her Latrice Mothereffing (but you know, the full version) Royale, and it is wonderful.
Ru brings out the top three, and they all look pretty damn awesome. Phi Phi looks like her usual fishy self, Chad is all pagented out and looks glorious. Sharon looks freaking divine in a long scaly green dress and two sided wig. Ru gives Chad a chance to talk about how his feelings have changed toward Phi Phi. Apparently she did some stuff to throw Jiggly under the proverbial bus, by getting Latrice to throw some challenge. I think a lot this drama they are talking about happened on camera, but aired in the Untucked episodes that I haven't delved into. Phi Phi somewhat apologies to Jiggly (who is really upset by how Phi Phi treated her), but Willam still calls her out as being a crazy egomaniac. That's right. Willam said that. Assess your life, Phi Phi!
Ru announces the winner of the fan-elected Miss Congeniality is Latrice Royale. No surprise there, and it is well-deserved.
Ru speaks to each of the finalists next, and we get to hear from Chad's adorable partner, who designed his outfit tonight (and many others). Ru earnestly thanks Chad for bringing class and professionalism to the competition. Sharon introduces her "girlfriend with a penis, Alaska", and her adorable mom, Joan. Joan tells us that Sharon has always been interested in bloody zombie things. Sharon speaks to the weird and strange kids who have a tough time, and tells them that "if you ever get booed offstage, that is just applause from ghosts". Amazing stuff! Phi Phi talks about how even though people don't like him, he wanted to stand up for kids who are abused. Apparently, his formerly abusive father has watched the show and hasn't changed at all. His mother is there to support him, and is pretty cute.
The time has come to award the (slightly smaller than usual) giant crown. The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race is….