Sexuality as a Social Construct: Personal Desires or Social Constructions? (Part 1)

But what about the sexual fantasies that we consciously create for ourselves and enact during the daytime? Are they as telling of our personal desires as our dreams? Or are they really just the culmination of every cheesy chick-flick we’ve seen, harlequin-romance novel we’ve read, and – dare I say – late-night cable-accessed pornography we’ve watched?  It is easy to assume that, in this age of ever-expanding sexual freedoms, the choices we make reflect our own personal sentiments, separate from external social influences, but this is not necessarily the case.

Despite our personal quests for individuality, when it comes to turn-on’s, research suggests that, regardless of gender, your sexual fantasies likely have much in common with those of the complete strangers that you pass on the street every day. Several media outlets, from women’s magazines to websites targeted at men, suggest culturally shared attitudes when it comes to the impassioned act.  This information is usually conveyed by generalizing and condensing our public’s imagination down into “helpful”, and (quite frankly) somewhat scary, Top-Ten lists that articulate both men’s and women’s sexual fantasies.

Top fantasies include:  the typical threesome scenario, the ever-popular girl-on-girl act, bondage and voyeurism (with female as submissive and male as dominant), and, frighteningly enough, rape.  I realize that many of you reading this article have fantasized about at least one of these scenarios yourself, and I am not judging anyone. I myself have in no way escaped this trend, but if the majority of people are all playing out the same kinky scenarios, do we truly have freedom when it comes to our sexual fantasies?

As a student, I have found that many people operating in the university environment are extremely open when it comes to sexuality.  It is everywhere, from dorm rooms where people hook up after having only known each other for a day (hell, an hour), to oral sex (which seems to have become the new handshake), to, most prominently, nightclubs where girls make out with each other simply to impress the moderately cute Abercrombie and Fitch wannabe boys.  Engaging in these sexual behaviors seems to have become a rite of passage. 
 
Speaking from a female perspective, I can’t help but notice a certain dichotomy when it comes to women and sexuality.  Although we have made much progress in terms of women and the workforce, we seem to be lagging behind when it comes to the treatment of women as sexualized objects. Which is not to say that men are not also often objectified; just that it has become a naturalized expectation that women want to put their sexuality out in the open. 

Historically, women have been expected to refrain from being vocally or actively sexual, and I think it is great that we have finally reached a place, culturally and politically, where women have the opportunity to reclaim possession of their sexuality.  I am, however, suspicious of the argument that women have mastered full control over their bodies, given that the majority of us are still subscribing to patriarchal heterosexual sex standards.  If we truly have become the strong, take-charge and sexually dominant women we claim to be, why is it that within the “Top Ten” lists of female sexual fantasies we still wish to be dominated and objectified by men?

Unfortunately, it is difficult to escape our social influences. Since birth we have been set on a course of socialization that has defined our sexual personalities. Every Disney movie we’ve watched, every fairy tale we’ve been told, every Barbie doll and/or superhero action figure we’ve played with has paved the way to mentally organize our brain into two binaries: the dominant male and the submissive female. As we grow older, the path of sexual desire becomes even more rigidly defined.  We are continuously bombarded by movies, TV shows, and magazines that display women eager to be treated as sexualized objects.  (Need I mention the countless celebrities who enthusiastically grace the cover of Maxim magazine every month?)  Having laid the groundwork from an early age makes this sexualization of women seem quite natural.

In this way, heterosexual mainstream pornography can be viewed as simply a further reiteration of the sex roles that have been established and imposed on us since birth. It is just another step in the creation of our fantasies, only, at this stage, the fantasy has changed a little:  instead of Barbie and Ken moving into their dream house, Barbie “let’s” Ken come on her face.
 
While it feels good to think of ourselves as a sexually open-minded culture, one must question how truly open-minded we really are when so few of us actually take the time to search for alternative forms of porn and erotica, and instead merely stick to the same mainstream heterosexual pornography that we can most easily access. 

That being said, in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with role-playing, experimentation, and perhaps even engaging in a partnership of dominance and submission from time to time.  I believe that, so long as we can train ourselves to separate social influences from our true hearts desires, then all is fair in love and coming.

© 2008 Alexandra Trottier; licensee (Cult)ure Magazine.
This is an Open Access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0), which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original work is properly cited.

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