We have come to the finale of this great, great show, and four dancers (3 awesome dancers) remain. Who will take the title of “America’s favorite dancer”? Probably Melanie. But we will see! The winner will take $250,000 and a bunch of promotional crap, so you know these four are excited. Guest judges include Kenny Ortega and Katie Holmes. Really? These are the best we can bring to the finale? In a season featuring Gaga, NPH and the surprisingly awesome Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Katie Holmes seems like a major letdown. Tonight the dancers will dance in pairs, solo, and with all-stars. Let’s get right to it.

Melanie and Marko: Disco by Doriana Sanchez

Disco is often a killer when featured on Dancing with the Stars, and apparently it caused some major injuries to beloved dancers last year on this show. I have faith in team Melarko. As the dancers get their disco on, I am reminded that disco kind of sucks. It is supposed to be high-energy, and there are some crazy lifts going on, but the dance is pretty boring. Kenny Ortega thinks it was fun, electric and sizzling. Mrs. Tom Cruise thinks they had a ton of energy. We learn that Mary did go to Studio 54 once. Hilarious. She says that they struggled with the lift transitions here and there. Nigel agrees with the struggle that Mary observed, and hopes to see better from them tonight.

Sasha and Mark: Sonya Tayeh

Sonya is choreographing this specifically for Sasha, and it should be pretty amazing. Mark is looking ripped and punked out, which is fun (apparently he is now Gaga’s principle dancer, no wonder he looks so awesome). Sasha dances the routine with a ton of strength, and Mark plays off her really well, but perhaps it is too early in the show to get very excited about this? I feel a bit let down by it, for whatever reason. Katie Holmes loves Sasha’s strength and Sonya’s work. Mary gives a proper cackling scream to celebrate the routine. Nigel thinks Sasha’s warrior status has been affirmed once again. Ortega thinks Sonya is an amazing choreographer (she is), and thinks she is battling Melanie well tonight.

Tadd and Joshua: Hip Hop by Lil C

Tadd hits this routine really, really hard, and the result is pretty impressive. Lil C gives them some interesting moves that work well with the music and the swag he builds into the routine. Mary (and her truly gigantic hair extensions) think that Tadd hit it as hard as he could have, and did enough to throw off his sweet image. Nigel thinks he sweetness came through and that Joshua might have out-danced him. Ortega loved their shoes and would like a pair (red high-top things). Katie loved it. She has yet to say anything interesting here.

Melanie and Robert: Contemporary by Stacey Tookey

This plays right into Melanie’s strengths—emotion filled contemporary dancing. The Peanut Gallery is distracted by the music the whole time…it is an odd Sinead O’Connor cover of an Elton John song, “Sacrifice”, that sounds like Celine Dion is singing it. Weird. I liked the dance, it is slow and strong. Nigel informs us that Stacey Tookey is Canadian. How fun. He thinks that Melanie answered Sasha’s call to arms of earlier in the night. Ortega wants to work with Melanie, which she is very flattered by. Cat stirs the pot for Melanie a bit by asking if Ortega will cast Melanie in his next Dirty Dancing project. Slightly awkward, but Cat’s excitement at getting Melanie a job is so cute. Katie says that every movement Melanie creates is honest, and calls her magical (barf). Mary praises the luck that brought the forces in this routine together, and praises her ability to draw in her audience.

Sasha and Marko: Broadway by Spencer Liff

As usual, Spencer bores us with a bunch of backstory to his routine. Sasha is costumed in an evening gown and heels, and it reminds me that we have rarely (if ever) seen her in a ballroom routine this season. She looks a bit awkward in those shoes. The routine is kind of dumb, but enjoyable enough. Kenny thinks Marko is a great actor, and that Sasha can do anything. Katie loved it, and then becomes incoherent about something Marko did. Mary applauds their ability to play the comedy in a routine while not losing the dance. Nigel didn’t love the dance. He didn’t buy Marko’s character. I did buy it, but perhaps only because I wanted to.

Melanie:  Melanie’s solo is a little bit crazy. After watching her clip package, she starts the routine kind of crying, but she dances through it beautifully.

Marko: Marko’s solo does well to show off his ability to communicate emotion through his movement.

Sasha and Tadd: Cha Cha by Mark Ballas

I literally booed when they announced Mark was the choreographer. He is among my least favourites over at DWTS. And lo, I can’t blame Mark for all of it, but I really didn’t love this dance. Both Sasha and Tadd seem unsure of the movements, and lack any discernable chemistry with each other. You can see Tadd counting the steps, and it is not good. Katie just says thanks for their dancing. Mary didn’t like it at all (the orange one speaks the truth, people!). The technique was really poor and they missed some of their movements. Nigel agrees with Mary, and says that Tadd couldn’t cope with the style at all, and that Sasha did do better, but not well. Kenny blames Mark for being too ambitious with the routine, and tells them to just walk it off.

Marko and Lauren: Tessandra Chavez

The dancers start the routine in tears, which is kind of intense. They have some really cool synchronized movements, and the rest of the dance is just angsty, emotional goodness. I would totally buy that flavor of Ben and Jerry’s—marketers, take a note. The routine is just the very best of strength and softness combined (much like many Ben and Jerry’s flavors—I might be distracted here). Mary is choked up and tells Marko that he thrusts greatness upon himself. Nigel tells Marko that he really stepped up and joined the finale with this dance. Kenny says that the routine was a gift all the way around—from the choreography to the performance to the partnership. I am going to play a psychic on this one and say that Katie “loved it”. Bam! I am right. I really felt pretty neutral towards Holmes before this, but she is losing me quickly.

Tadd: I expect Tadd’s solo to be 90% on his hands, and it really isn’t, which is too bad. I like when he walks down stairs on them.

Tadd and Melanie: Jazz by Ray Leeper

Holy crap, Melanie’s costume is stripper meets Sandy from Grease (at the end, in the fun house, when she is telling Johnny Travolta to shape up, ‘cause she needs a man…you see what I mean), it is pretty awesome. She spends the routine kind of kicking Tadd around, which is really nice. She rips off his pants at the end (perhaps Tadd shops where Troy from Community does, as these jeans appear to be tear-away), and Cat gives us the low down, “when all else fails, bring out a pair of comedy boxers”. Nigel loved it and thought the routine brought the finale to life. Melanie had an entire character pent up in her opening stance (she really did…this is why she is amazing). Tadd redeemed himself. Kenny wooed before the dance started because Melanie is amazing. Katie “loved this”. I can’t make this stuff up. She has said that every single time. Mary loves how Melanie can strut the hell out of the stage. Cat calls Mary a strutter in her own right, which is great.

Sasha: Sasha’s solo is pretty good tonight. A lot of fluid movement and her patented square-legged movements.

Melanie and Sasha: Contemporary by Stacey Tookey

This is a dance about women getting out of their depressing 50s domestic life. Should be weird! Melanie is particularly good at combining slow, controlled movement with chaotic, harsh turns, and this piece lets her do that several times. Sasha is great too, but I always watch Melanie. There are undertones of lady loving, which is also fun. Kenny thought the story was excellent, and it drew him in. Katie “loved seeing them dance together”, which I guess is a little something more than just “loving it”. Who cares though? No one. Mary enjoyed every second of the piece, and wishes them both well going on. Nigel praises the camaraderie between the two of them, and can’t wait to see what they do in their careers.

Marko and Tadd: Gubmoot Stepping by Chuck Moldonado

That is for real the type of dancing they are closing the show with here. This is apparently the style that inspired today’s stepping style. Their costumes for the routine are kind of hokey (overalls with like reflective (almost sparkly) accents), which seems inappropriate given the semi-serious background we just got from the choreographer. The dance is ok, but Marko looks really tired and like he is struggling through it a bit. Tadd comes off a bit stronger in the routine. Katie….wait for it….loves them. She sucks. Mary thinks it was solid gold, and that they didn’t look tired. Nigel thinks the routine wasn’t great, but is pretty sure a girl is going to win the competition. Awkward (if true)! The crowd doesn’t know what to say to that. Kenny classily congratulates them all and thanks them. 

More beats

• Cat Deely looks stunning tonight. She usually does, but I just feel like she stepped it up for finale night.
•  Who is Kenny Ortega, you ask? Apparently he directed High School Musical and ton of episodes of Gilmore Girls. Weird.
• Nigel got his hair like poofed up for this episode. It is odd.
• I loved Cat’s interviews with the dancers. She knows these contestants so well, and does a great job representing the audience. She gets super giggly when she learns that Melanie and Marko’s kiss was open-mouthed, but lacked tongue. Marko’s interview is surprisingly touching (a lot about Marko’s past and getting shot and all). Tadd highlights his vulture dance with Jordan, which I did love too. And Cat informs him that there is a big difference between shirtless and naked (it seems he didn’t know). Sasha again dodges the question of what it is exactly in her past that makes her dance with so much emotion, but I can’t say I blame her for not telling the whole world about her struggles.
• Just another note about Sasha—perhaps it is her unwillingness to share whatever this pain is that has kept her apart from the audience more than Melanie. You can feel Melanie’s honesty through her dance, but I often feel like Sasha is holding something back. I probably wouldn’t feel this way if people didn’t keep talking about the pain in Sasha’s life (and then not actually telling us about it). To quote Claire Dunphy: “What is so horrible…that you simultaneously can’t speak of it, and yet can’t stop talking about it”?
• This was a really fun, if tense, finale show. I still think my girl Melanie is going to take it, but Sasha gave her a run for it, which is great.
• I hope to post a recap of the results show soon, stay tuned!