Posted by: April on Jun 28, 2010
Last night's episode of True Blood, "It Hurts Me, Too," was filled with lots of important lessons: how to dispose of dead bodies, how to conceal the identities of dead bodies, how to use dead bodies to manipulate people. In addition to dead bodies, "It Hurts Me, Too" also contained the two weirdest sex scenes this show has ever had and the werewolf equivalent of Fangtasia. Show, don't ever change.
Dead Body Disposal: Find a Fresh Grave
Sookie fires her gun, but Eric jumps in the bullet's path. They need the werewolf alive to question him. The scent of Eric's blood returns the wolf to human form, and it's the same stringy haired dude from outside Merlotte's. He starts sucking down Eric's blood, but Eric manages to get the upper hand long enough to demand who his master is. They tussle. The wolf tries to bolt, so Sookie shoots him in the leg. The wolf refuses to give up his master's name, knowing he's dead either way, so Eric agrees by ripping the wolf's throat out. From the look on Eric's face after he takes a bite, werewolf tastes nasty. Eric looks up at Sookie, blood rapidly pooling, "I got your rug all wet." Dirty! Also, I can't believe the Stackhouse rez has any carpets in it, given how often they would need to be scrubbed. Hardwood flooring is the only way to go.
Eric's piling dirt on a grave, explaining as he goes that fresh graves make excellent hiding places for bodies as no one will wonder why the ground is disturbed, and it is unlikely that the body will be dug up. Sadly, Jessica is not around to hear this timely message. Geez, what were they doing with that girl when she lived at Fangtasia? Am I the only person who remembers that? Also, as is consistent on this show, Eric still has blood all over his chin from feeding on the werewolf. Vampires should travel with wet naps. Anyway, Eric suggests Sookie should suck the bullet out of him, but she says she won't fall for that again. Eric, hilariously, tells her that she will, in fact, the very next time he gets shot. Does Eric get shot a lot? I know it's not going to cause any permanent damage, but stop shooting Eric, people!
Sookie and the Mississippi Werewolves
Eric accompanies Sookie back to her house. She did manage to catch "Jackson" in the mind of the wolf before Eric tore his throat out, thinking it must be the master's name or someone the wolf works with. Eric corrects her that it was Jackson, Mississippi, claiming he can distinguish between their accents. Since we all caught sight of that rune, I'm pretty sure he knows the King of Mississippi is responsible. I wonder how the Magister feels about vampire-werewolf alliances. Sookie wants to take off for Mississippi immediately. Eric is naturally against this incredibly stupid plan. He's also too busy with his other shit to go with her. Sookie confirms that Eric would know if she was in trouble, but Eric, even as a flyer, doubts that he will be able to get to her in time. Sookie is nonetheless resolved to cross state lines in order to find new people to yell "Bill!" near.
In a most unexpected touch, Sookie turns up at Merlotte's the next morning to explain the situation to Sam and beg a few more days off. She also asks him to look in on Jessica, who she's worried about leaving alone. Sam agrees on both counts because he is a soft touch, though he does tell her that if Sookie's not back when she says she'll be, he's hiring a new waitress. Sam, you're already a waitress short. Go ahead and do that. Hire Jessica. She's bored, and she can work nights.
The phone rings at Merlotte's (Tara: I'm wiping! Terry: I'm frying!). It's Coroner Mike, looking cleaned up and possibly not still fucking Jane Boadhouse, which is always the right call. Eggs's funeral is today (Tara doesn't recognize the last name, nice). Tara hurries over and finds no one there but Sookie, who, as it turns out, paid for a proper burial. Tara is touched, and they mend fences. The funeral begins while what I think is an instrumental version of one of the songs from "Cold Ground" plays quietly. Something about this entire scene feels off to me, but I don't know if that's intentional. I'm flagging it. Also, Tara agrees to move back in.
Later still, Sookie's scrubbing the blood stained carpet on her front porch (not sure if Al would approve of her technique) when she hears a man approaching, thinking about how some other man sent him to find the pretty blonde who lives near the graveyard. Sookie hilariously tells the hot, hot intruder that she's all hopped up on V and looking for a fight. Aw, how long has it been since Sookie got a shot of V? Since Dallas, right? Poor thing is going to come down with the DTs. The person who sent the intruder, however, is one Mr. Northman. Seems Alcide's dad is in debt to Eric (Eric's diverse underground portfolio includes loan sharking) and protecting Sookie from her stupid self while in Mississippi will help repay it. Unlike other characters we've seen so far, Alcide seems highly amused by Sookie's ability to read his mind, even going so far as to suggest that they have an entire conversation without him opening his mouth. Also, he comes up with this plan when they sit down to tea (aw, Gran would like that). Alcide explains that the Operation Werewolf fuckers are no friends of his: werewolves lived undetected in Mississippi for 200 years until they rolled in. Not sure what the average life span of a werewolf is.
At any rate, Alcide takes Sookie to the oldest were-bar in Mississippi, and she flirts her way into finding a wolf who knows something about Bill (the one who thought that spitting blood into another wolf's mouth would be gay, as opposed to rubbing his own nipples in a car full of dudes). When she grabs him, she can see Bill instead of just hearing the guy's thoughts, which is rare. They take off for a private room, but she's all questions and he's all shirt ripping, so Alcide intercedes. The bouncer breaks it up, thinking that Alcide is attacking Cooter's men because Coot and Alcide's ex, Debbie, are getting engaged. I'm sure we'll meet Debbie is some future episode, but I can already tell you that Alcide is too hot for Debbie to be worth it. Remember the very first episode of Supernatural (not the pilot) with John Winchester before we know that he was one of the worst dads in televisual history? He walked in with that beard, and we were all, "So that's what a man looks like." That's pretty much exactly what happened when Alcide appeared on the screen.
Conceal the Identity: Remove the Head and Hands
Hoyt's working road crew when he pulls a headless, handless dead body from a drainage pipe. Given that the body exsanguinated and appears to have had its head and hands torn off rather than cut with any instrument, Andy likes a vampire for the un-sub. Bud Dearborn can take no more: every time they finish up with one dead body, two more crop up in its place. He's got gaps in his memory and polyps in his ass. He quits, tearing off his gear and handing his sheriff's star to either Kenya or Andy, whoever wants it.
Keep the Head Handy for Manipulation
Sexy James Frain gets an unsexy name: Franklin. He shows up at the Compton Manse with shopping bag in hand. Jessica's is no mood to let him in, twigged about her missing body (Pam, like any reasonable person, tells her that a missing body is much better than a body in your cubby-bed-grave and gets back Yvetta, the new dancer Eric was vamp-speed banging two weeks ago. Yvetta must be having the time of her life at Fangtasia). Jessica fangs at Franklin to scare him off, but he fangs right back with the most hilarious "You're an idiot" face that I've ever seen (with fangs, that is). Fangs retract and Franklin saunters inside (no human residents means no invitation necessary, much to Jessica's surprise). Although we don't know why or for who, Franklin's a finder, and right now he wants to find as much information as possible about Bill Compton. Jessica refuses, sweet girl, so Franklin pulls the trucker's head out of his shopping bag to convince her. He drops it on the floor, leaving yet another blood stain that's going to need scrubbing, and Jessica looks appropriately afraid.
Two of the Weirdest Sex Scenes I Have Ever Seen on This or Any Show, and I Used to Watch Rescue Me
Alright, I guess we should back up to what transpired between Tara beating the crap out of those guys and Tara working at Merlotte's (finally in a change of clothes because it had been days): Tara and Franklin had some weird sex. Tara's eyes were rolling back into her head, and Franklin's O face was ridiculous, and I think they were levitating at one point (shout out to Endless Knights?). Tara begs Franklin to bite her, but he immediately retracts his fangs. He doesn't want to bite someone who wants to get bitten. After, they're cuddling and talking, but Tara bolts when Franklin wonders if she has a husband or a boyfriend. She leaves without telling him her name. Her name, however, is one of the many things Franklin learns from Jessica, so he shows up at the Stackhouse rez. Tara refuses to invite him in, explaining that she's got a bad track record of inviting people into that house, so Franklin glamours his way through the door. True Blood peeps really need some vervain.
The other weird sex scene was even weirder, but it's all part of Bill's further Mississippi Misadventures, so let's give that section its own heading.
Bill's Mississippi Misadventures
Sadly, the Mississippi vampires did not do me the favour of letting Lorena just die already. They put her out with a rug that Talbot bitches is very expensive and very old, and I don't care. Talbot is too one note right now for me to pay him any mind. Talbot and Sadly Still Alive Lorena flounce off to bed, while Russell tries to talk some sense into Bill. Lorena recommended Bill for Sheriff and Queen Sophie Anne manipulation. One of the conditions of whatever deal Lorena struck with Russell involved making Bill watch while Lorena tortured Sookie to death. Russell logically explains that Bill either needs to turn Sookie or let her go, as watching her grow old while he doesn't will torture them both. Extremely bizarrely, Bill tells Russell that making Sookie vampyre (what, that's how Bill says it) is not an option. Why? We learned last season that they never even talk about it. I wonder if this has anything to do with Bill's not above board wooing of Sookie. Bill retires to consider Russell's proposal. I am really digging Denis O'Hare as Russell. He's got just the right mix of regal elegance and menace to make delightful host and genuine threat. Also, I love that he gets to keep telling Bill to retract his fangs, and Bill looks so damn embarrassed every time.
Bill has dream flashbacks to 1868, which confuses me because I didn't think vampires could dream. After three years, suddenly hot Bill (seriously, how did Bill get so hot this season? Every time he enters a scene, I remark on his hotness, which is bound to wear thin for my viewing companion) was able to escape Lorena and return home. His wife, Caroline, is relived to see him but has to show him their son laid out in the sitting room. She sent their daughter, Sarah, to Tennessee to protect her from the pox and will have to bury Thomas herself in the morning because no undertaker will touch him. When Bill starts crying blood, though, Caroline first worries that he is also afflicted (he says he is but with something that isn't contagious like the pox) then that he's a ghost or a demon. She shoots him in the arm and watches that arm regenerate. Caroline tries to run, but she only makes it as far as Lorena on the front porch. I normally don't care for Mariana Klaveno's portrayal of Lorena, but she's very good in this flashback. She's not jealous or cruel. She shows compassion to Bill and Caroline, almost like a mother to a child, but she still has a hard edge like a vampire should. It's nice work. At any rate, first she glamours Caroline into behaving herself. Caroline says that she'd rather be dead, and it looks for a second like Bill is going to drain her then and there, but Lorena tells Bill to glamour her into forgetting that he was ever there. Bill's face is still a mess with blood tears smeared under his eyes, and I can't mention enough how much I love that blood constantly leaves a stain on this show. What's done can't be undone. He buries his son and takes off with Lorena, though he's clear that he hates her.
The next night, Bill joins the others in what appears to be Russell's office. It should go without saying that he looks hot in his white jacket and black button down, but I'm saying it anyway because, seriously, how has this happened? Bill agrees to be Sheriff, having struck a deal with Russell that would nullify Lorena's Kill Sookie clause. Lorena and Cooter are pissed about this news, and I can't believe that Bill didn't also negotiate a Kill Lorena clause.
Later still, Bill's contemplating the consequences of renouncing Queen Sophie Anne when Lorena and her fabulous dress slip into his room and start blah blah blahing about something or other. I don't know, how vampire can only cause humans suffering or something. Bill's all, "I hate you," and Lorena's "I love you," so they have hate sex. How hateful is this hate sex? Bill twists Lorena's head around and, because she's a vampire and not a human, her neck looks like a pull 'n' peel Twizzler instead of just snapping. With blood dripping out of her mouth, she still chokes out an "I love you, William," and that's when Bill sets to screaming and freaking out. Weirdest sex scene ever.
In other news:
- Arlene learns that she's nine weeks along, making the baby Renée's, but Terry is so excited to learn that she's pregnant that she doesn't tell him the truth. Arlene sucks. Also, if Terry had a nickel for every time someone said "it's not you, it's me," to him, he'd have 15 cents.
- Jason's decided to become a police officer (they have an opening!) after tackling that meth dude, repeatedly citing Andy's presence on the force as evidence that it must not be that hard to get in. He fails the quiz that Hoyt administers and later has a nightmare that his exam is in hieroglyphs and he forgot to wear pants, to say nothing of the bullet holes in absolutely everyone's head. He burns his application.
- I think Dream Jason and I have the same shirt.
- Jason tells Hoyt that Jessica really means that Hoyt's dick is too big for her, so Hoyt should just go out and find someone hotter 'cause that's what Jason does. Hoyt, for his part, does not look like he thinks Jason's right about this.
- Eric gives Lafayette a bonus in the form of a sweet new ride, telling Lafayette that he's a discreet and reliable worker with a network of buyers with large, disposable incomes, and he should aim higher than "living in a plywood shack with moth eaten afghans and second-hand furniture." Lafayette is, as always, completely wigged by Eric's presence (though definitely dealing better) but seems amenable to taking Eric's ideas under consideration. He will take the car, though.
- Sam's hick family turns up to be hickish at Merlotte's until Sam kicks them out for giving shots to Tommy, a minor. Melinda is really weird about Sam again, some more. Later, Tommy tries to steal from Sam's safe but takes off in eagle form when Sam catches him. The Mickens are all boring, yet I dislike them more than I should care. Mostly because I love Sam and wish one good thing would happen to him. On the list of things he needs besides a waitress is a friend.
- I'm also digging the sound effects inasmuch as I notice them: a low growl when Sookie reads werewolf minds, a hiss and rattlesnake shake for glamouring.
Next time: who knows? HBO Canada doesn't have scenes from next time.