"Holy Shit!" was pretty much the theme of last night The Vampire Diaries episode "Founder's Day" (also, thank goodness that stupid Founder's gimmick is over. At least I hope it is). Notably, Katherine has finally returned, as we've been waiting for her since we found out she was never in the tomb. Also, I heard that two characters were going to die, but it's worse: three characters die plus a boatload of extras, two lives hang in the balance, and Katherine's back. Oh, did I mention that? Just wanted to make sure you knew.

Death, Death, Death

The tomb refugees that weren't already staked have chosen the Founder's Day festivities for their little founding families massacre. They're even smart enough to know not to try to feed (in case of vervain), just kill. John gets wind of this plan, so he decides to follow through with Original Recipe Jonathan's plan: use the device to expose the vampires, round them up, and burn the lot. In fact, John decides that his brother's empty medical practice is the perfect location for the bonfire. Exactly when the tomb refugees plan to attack, John sets off the device: essentially, it's like the headache inducer we've seen Grams and Bonnie use against Damon and Stefan, respectively, only much more powerful and with a far wider reach. Anna tries to warn Damon, who tries to warn Stefan, but they all go down anyway. The way Damon grabbed Elena's hand, who never let go of Stefan's hand, so they were all walking along hand-in-hand, was really sweet, though (pictured). Anna falls in the Grill's Ladies' Room while trying to warn Jeremy about the impending death to founders and gets carted off by some deputies, despite Jeremy's screaming and fighting. Stefan falls while he and Elena are trying to get away, but Alaric convinces the deputy that he's got this one before the deputy can pump Stefan with vervain. Poor Damon falls with no one to protect him, so off he goes.

Down in the Gilbert Medical basement, Anna and Damon start to come to before the rest of the vamps (make sense, they would be stronger since they've been up and about for the last 145 years). Anna manages to grab John's leg while one of his cronies sloshes gasoline everywhere, so John stays behind to stake Anna (Death #1). I think this was sort of a mercy kill: she went a lot faster and a lot less painfully than the rest of the vamps in the fire seemed to go. Damon witnesses the entire thing but is unable to help. While the fire is raging, Mayor Lockwood comes to. That's right, the noise also knocks out werewolves. Mayor wants to know what Damon's doing there (Damon: I'm a vampire (the "you moron" ending is subtext)); Damon wants to know what the Mayor even is, given that he's unaffected by vervain. No answers are forthcoming, though, when a tomb refugee hangs in there long enough to snap the Mayor's neck (Death #2). 

After the device winds down, Stefan, Alaric, and Elena figure out pretty quickly that Bonnie never deactivated the device and that John's going to burn the vamps at Gilbert Medical. John tries to block Elena and Stefan from saving Damon, claiming that he'll reveal that Stefan's a vamp as well. Stefan merely ascertains that there is an unguarded entrance and takes off, for he is a consummate man of action. John tries to stop Elena from following, so they have a little confrontation that goes like this:

Elena: Are you my dad?
John: Oh, you know about that?
Elena: I do now. See ya!

Stefan dropped that knowledge on her earlier before the Founder's Day Parade. ANYway, off she goes to check on her boyfriends, but Bonnie stops Elena before she follows Stefan into the burning building. She apologies for lying and holds onto Elena while she works a spell. Just when you think she's making Elena flame retardant or sealing the door because eff the vamps, it turns out that Bonnie quells the flames just enough for Stefan to regular-speed run in there to find Damon and vamp-speed get him out (very odd choice. Budget concerns?). Bonnie further explains that she did this for Elena because Elena loves Stefan.

Two Lives in the Balance

Life #1: Anna shows up in Jeremy's room and tells him that she's getting the hell out of Mystic Falls. She wants to turn Jeremy, so they can run off together. Jeremy's hesitant, so Anna presses a vial of her blood into his hand and peaces. Jeremy proceeds to have a crap day wherein he tells Elena that things between them can't be fixed, and Damon threatens him to get Jer to lighten up on Elena as Damon was the one did the mind-wipe. Stefan intervenes, but he also suggests that Jeremy go easy on Elena. Later, Damon shows up to tell Jeremy about Anna's death, and he offers to take Jeremy's suffering away again (Damon was learning important lessons today about altruism, inasmuch as you do good things without any agenda or expectation of a reward). Jeremy, however, explains that Damon didn't really take his suffering away; he just couldn't remember why he was so sad. Jeremy and Damon have a nice little talk about whether life is any better when you're a vamp who can turn off your feelings (me: No, life isn't better when you are dead. Durr.), and Damon assures him that life is hell either way. Still, the no feelings part appeals enough to Jeremy that he downs Anna's blood, ransacks the bathroom, dumps a bottle of Elena's old painkillers on the counter, and picks up one. I specify that we only see him with one, then later see the counter empty, because I'm not so sure he followed through. We may find out come the fall that he changed his mind or that there weren't enough pills to kill him or any such thing. The writers leave it open with a shaky Jeremy taking to his bed. All the same, I hope he closed those curtains tight.

Life #2: Matt is still cold to Tyler at the Grill after the parade, though Caroline tries to get Matt to ease up (she starts to tell a story about a terrible fight that she had with Elena or Bonnie (oddly, I can't remember which right now), and Matt cuts her off with a rude and sexist, "You're girls."). Mayor Lockwood comes in, all intense and emotional, and begs Tyler to take Matt and Caroline home. Because his dad is nice for the first time in his life, Tyler agrees. When the device goes off and Tyler is affected, he crashes the car. It looks like Tyler is the one seriously injured, but he comes to while Caroline collapses. At episode's end, she's in surgery, and no one knows what will happen. For season two, I'm guessing Tyler will finally wolf out now that his dad's not around to control his behaviour/secretly dose him with some kind of animal suppressant. It's going to be extra hard on Tyler without his dad to explain the whole Teen Wolf thing, too.

Katherine's Back!

Elena and Stefan have a little heart-to-heart at the Grill about how Stefan can't bring himself to hate Damon no matter how hard he tries, but he's still worried/jealous/confused about Elena and Damon's bond. Elena assures Stefan that he's the one she loves and wants to be with. They part ways causing everyone in the audience to be all, "OH NOES!" Stefan runs into Bonnie, who delivers that chilly "I know who I am now" from the previews. She and Stefan reform their alliance, in this case to keep an eye on Damon, and Bonnie will kill him the second he poses a serious threat to humans again. Elena returns home from picking up her stuff at school while Damon's on his way out after his little heart-to-heart with Jeremy. Damon puts her stuff down and explains that he wanted to help Anna and Jeremy even though it was unlikely to benefit him in any way, and, further more, if Bonnie helped Elena and Stefan save him, it must be because Bonnie knows that Elena cares about Damon. The entire time he's saying this, he's drawing in closer and ask permission with his eyes to kiss her. They kiss, but Elena makes kind of a weird face in the middle of it. Jenna throws open the door, and her eyes are absolutely on fire when she orders Elena inside. Damon pauses with a confused -- not conflicted -- look on his face before taking off. Jenna demands to know what the hell, but Elena doesn't want to talk about it. She startles John in the kitchen and makes to put dishes away, while John sweetly explains that while Isobel probably never loved him back, he really did love her, and part of the reason he hates vampires as much as he does is who Isobel turned into after she was turned. Elena takes all of this in, then grabs one of the many, many knives she was putting away, slams John's hand down on the counter, and chops off all his fingers, including his magic ring! John barely has time to croak, "Katherine?" before she guts him but good (Death #3). Just then out on the porch, Elena's explaining to Stefan (I think) over the phone that someone stole all her stuff from the school and makes plans to meet him at the hospital. She opens the door and TITLE CARD! Season's over, my friends. 

I appreciate the finale's attempt to humanize John in order to get some sympathy for his shocking death, but nothing doing, show. John also knocked Sheriff Forbes unconscious and hand-cuffed her to a pipe in his brother's old office, apparently to die in the tomb refugee fire. You were already dead to me, John.

In other news:

• Alaric and Damon's unlikely friendship continues apace: Damon immediately appeals to Alaric for weapons to fight off the oncoming vamp attack, and Alaric immediately hops to while they give each other hearty slaps on the arm. An odd phrasing, but I'm not sure how else to explain it.
• Tyler's near death experience rekindles the Matt and Tyler man-love.
• Lady Mayor is obviously unaware of the werewolf thing. Wonder how that's going to play out.
• Damon tries to, in his Damon-y way, thank Bonnie for deactivating the device, but she is having none of it. For the second episode in a row, sparks fly between those two.
• Elena wards Damon off from flirting and "doing that thing with [his] eyes." He sees her seriousness and agrees. 

Next time: Who knows? This show's a blast to recap, so I'm sure I'll be back next year. In the meantime, did you see that preview for True Blood? I can't wait!

Check out which crap movie we watched just for a glimpse of Paul Wesley.