Ho, boy. Last night’s True Blood, “If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’?” had a whole lot of only a few of things: horrible Crystal in horrible Hot Shot, approximately 1000 new faces from Puppy Eric, and rape. Talking about it, threatening it, seeing it happen. If you know me, then you know that’s my line, so I don’t know how I am going to deal with the fallout. I’ll probably comfort myself with the triumphant return of Alcide.
This is . . . my house?
Out by the side of the road, the camera makes sure to lovingly pan up from Puppy Eric’s bare feet (called it!), revel in his naked torso, and come to rest on his handsome, confused face. Fangs out, he wonders anew why Sookie smells so good, but this time he’s a little more descriptive: “Like wheat (sniff) and honey (sniff) and sunshine.” Sookie: “You know perfectly well why I smell . . . the way that I do.” She punctuates this with a pert little nod, like, this topic is no longer open for discussion, and I marvel at the idea that Sookie/Anna Paquin was ever considered a weak link on this show. We couldn’t be luckier to have her, folks. Puppy Eric, however, pays no never mind to the naysayers and leans into the car to, I don’t know, take a big whiff. Sookie hits the gas, makes it all of a couple of hundred feet while watching Puppy Eric in the rear view, then stops when she doesn’t see him anymore. Forsooth, Sookie. Try to remember that time he punched a giant dent into the front of your car. Was that her car or was it Bill’s? If it was her’s, you know he got that fixed up, too. Do you think it’s significant that her car and her house are yellow? Is it related to her sunshiny-ness? Item reserved. So Sookie’s looking around when Puppy Eric reappears and pounces on her through her open window. Sookie screams us into the credits.