I've already written 1000 words on this picture, so it's a little ridiculous that we find ourselves here again. Ah, well, I have a lot more thoughts and reactions to the movie as a whole, which will now take the form of bullet points as I am all essayed out. This probably goes without saying but, just in case it doesn't, SPOILERS.

• I must be the only person alive who loves Hans Zimmer's score. I love the tribal beat of Bane's theme and the way it goes crashing up against Batman's bombastic horns. I love the sneaky switcheroo when you realize that Bane's theme is like Bane himself -- not at all who you (or even he) thought but something entirely different. Above all, I love that when Bane and Batman come head to head for the first time, there is no score whatsoever. Just bone crunching and breathless anticipation in one of the most knock-down, drag-out fights I have ever seen on screen.
• My best friend's already made remarks to the extent that she is over Christian Bale, but I think he's my mafia: just when I think I'm out, he pulls me back in. It's not just the streaks of grey hair, the hollows under his eyes, or the fact that he is visibly thinner and more fragile than previous incarnations that break my heart to realize that he may have "aged-out" of the role he defined for himself. It's the way his voice softens when he's speaking with Alfred about Rachel. There's not only sorrow in that voice but innocence, like Alfred is a time machine that brings Bruce back to a moment when he was truly himself. It's the way you can tell, even at first blush, that there's no way Bruce/Batman could ever be more interested in Miranda Tate (though Marion Cotillard has never been more luminous) than he is in the Cat/Selina Kyle. It's not just the challenge that thrills him but the possibility of finding a single human being who may also understand.
• Speaking of Anne Hathaway, could she be any more killer in this movie? Sure, her first scene with Bruce when she flips from ingenue to seductress to criminal and right on out that window is gangbusters, but so is the moment in that scene when she hikes her skirt from just under her knee to just over her knee so she can climb (no one would wear those tights or the shoes to cater a party). Her dancing body can go from purring to ready to pounce in nanoseconds, but it's never campy. Above all, she gets to go through Harvey Dent's arc in reverse -- from apathetic to finally having some skin in the game. It was never really a matter of which side she would chose. It was just a question of how long it would take her to get there.
• If it weren't for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I think I would have fainted right out of my seat when Blake told Bruce he knew Bruce's secret identity 'cause he is also Batman (essentially). Mind you, it highlights the essential difference between them and further makes my point that you have to be a fuckin' weirdo to not become a cop or a prosecutor or the world's most dedicated lobbyist, but it also really smartly sets up the whole structures becoming shackles stuff and the way the movie lets you imagine that Blake just knew Bruce would leave him a little something special in his will. Of course, what I would really like to see is the "Becoming Batman" journal that would go along with it, full of handy tips like Lucius Fox's direct line, the best way to appear out of a shadow, and a guide to better growling.
• Actually, I'm also probably the only person who doesn't hate the Batman growl. On PCHH Glen Weldon posited that the movies could be a solid 10% better if it weren't for that growl, but whatever. He's got to disguise his voice somehow. Maybe Wayne Enterprises should have sunk some money into those Mission: Impossible voice patches.
• For that matter, I don't mind Tom Hardy's lilting based-on-an-Irish-Romani-'cause-he's-that-guy voice either. It took me right out of the movie the first time, I started to groove on it the second go 'round. It's just on border of being too silly, but, when you introduce a voice like that and follow it up with an impossibly menacing* hostile plane takeover, you start to see the character behind it. You see it in Bane's strut. You hear it in lines like, "What a lovely, lovely voice," followed immediately by mass murder and destruction. In fact, when you hear his voice for the first time, it's overwhelming loud - not just coming from behind you but in front of you and below you and in the seat next to you. Unnerving. 
• I don't really get Talia's point -- she hates her dad for disowning her protector but decided to follow through on his plan to destroy Gotham because his murder liberated her from her hate? That's pretty much what she said, I know, but I just don't understand. Why not enjoy the freedom to make your own decisions or reform the League of Shadows or use philanthropy to save the world like you've been pretending to anyway?
• To the nit-pickers who want to know how Bruce gets from the unspecified prison location and back to a secured Gotham in an unspecified amount of time, I say, "Did you not watch Batman Begins?" He spent 7 years figuring out how to get from A to B without any money or notice. I'm sure he had it in the bag.
• How weird is it to see Batman in the daylight, though, right? It's a testament to both how broken the city is yet how accustomed they are to his presence that there are no double takes during that climactic showdown at City Hall. Gotham's just like Bruce in that regard -- they take Batman for granted.
• The song/video that inspired my article title.
  [video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eohHwsplvY 420x315]
  
• Besides the above, I think this is my favourite image that I came across in my research:
  
  

  It was a touch too long and perhaps over-reliant on Michael Caine's moist eyes to carry it through the emotional beats, but it's still a near masterpiece.

  *I was going to say "badass" here but decided against it in part because I think the term is overused, in part because I don't want to associate any positive connotations of the term with the character, and in part because I heard a very convincing argument against the very character of Bane (in that he is a less product of storytelling needs and more of a need in the 80s and 90s for more "badasses" in comics).

In one of those weird things where suddenly it's everywhere, everyone is talking about the Edward Cullen Manllow on esty. What's a manllow, you say? It's a man-pillow. Remember those little half armchair things that sat on your bed when you were a kid but too lazy to just rest your pillows upright against the headboard? Imagine one of those, only with longer arms and Edward Cullen's visage silk screened across the head. Yeah, like that.

Of course, this item sold February 15, so I'm not sure why we're all talking about it today. Some industrious pop artist should make one out of marble (as Stephenie Meyer describes her vampires), so girls everyone would find out what it would really be like to snuggle up to that every night (hint: cold, uncomfortable). In fact, this artist should do a whole Twilight statue (again, a Meyer word) series: Edward as David, Rosalie as Winged Victory, Carlisle as The Thinker. Dudes, I'm on to something here.

Hollywood certainly has a diverse offering this week to suit you as follows:

• If you need to see Matt Damon, action, war, politics, Paul Greengrass' trademark shaky-cam, go see Green Zone
• If you need to see Robert Pattinson, brooding, romance, daddy issues, whatever possessed Chris Cooper to act opposite Robert Pattinson, go see Remember Me
• If you need to see Jay Baruchel, a sex farce, maybe romance, definitely a premature ejaculation joke in some sort of bizarre 40 Year-Old Virgin/There's Something About Mary mash-up, go see She's Out of My League.

All three sound hard to watch for wildly different reasons. Ah, well. At least Baruchel has two more movies coming out soon (How to Train Your Dragon and The Sorcerer's Apprentice).

If you're looking for something different, there's Genius Within: The Inner Life Of Glenn Gould, Oscar Nominated Short Films of 2009 (Animated), Oscar Nominated Short Films of 2009 (Live Action), World’s Best Commercials 2009, and Marina Of The Zabbaleen playing at the Bytowne.

At the movie theatre yesterday, I saw this poster for She's Out of My League. After a brief "hurrah!" for Jay Baruchel in a starring role (it's about time he got his own 40 Year-Old Virigin/Knocked Up broadsheet), I thought, "Wait, is Jay Baruchel a five?"

Alright, he's gangly, his voice can be quite nasal, and he still looks ridiculously young for his years. But is there nothing to be said for his dorky almost total foxiness (he could do with a couple of sandwiches) and crack comic timing? 

I'm guessing that a five would designate someone as perfectly average looking. Maybe I need someone to explain the scale to me because "average" doesn't seem to cut it with this one. On the other hand, the movie appears to be the epitome of my mom's favourite saying, "There's no accounting for taste." That, and "use your head for more than a hat rack."

If you live somewhere other than New York, L.A., or Toronto, January is a great time to go to the cinema. All the buzz movies you've heard about for the last few months are finally playing at a theatre near you. You can make time this weekend for Avatar, Brothers, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Precious, The Road, Sherlock Holmes, and The Young Victoria. I highly recommend the joyous Fantastic Mr. Fox and the beautifully romantic The Young Victoria.

If you're looking for something new to see, your options dwindle. Hollywood fare opening this weekend includes Daybreakers, about a vampire (Ethan Hawke) who searches to perfect a blood substitute or cure vampirism before the last humans die out, to feed your vampire addiction; Leap Year, where Amy Adams travels to Ireland to force her boyfriend into accepting her proposal, in case you kind of hate yourself; and Youth in Revolt, in which Michael Cera seeks to transform himself from adorable geek to rebellious sex god and which tried to use Old 97s in its trailer and on its website to manipulate me into taking an interest. 

Over at the Bytowne, you've got the goofy but middling The Men Who Stare at Goats, Colin Firth's guaranteed best actor nod A Single Man,  and Pedro Almodóvar latest Penélope Cruz venture, Broken Embraces.

Dear Supernatural writers,

You know I love you, and I hate to hate, but someone needs to explain this to me: why is Dean's plan to end Armageddon killing the devil? Last night, as we knew they would, Dean and Sam got a bead on the Colt, a MacGuffin I sort of wish you'd drop, and off they raced to find it. Because Dim Dean's ridiculous plan, in case this wasn't clear, is to attempt to kill the devil with it.  

Now here's the angels plan, which Dean refuses to go along with: have Michael take over Dean's body, so Michael-in-Dean can kill Lucifer. If both plans end with a dead Devil and Dean very specifically does not want what the angels want, how can this be his best idea? Can't College Boy come up with something better? Won't killing the Devil have the exact same net result regardless of who accomplishes this goal? 

Okay, I'll have an actual Tuesday Recipe for you later, but first you must head over to the National Punctuation Day site and scroll down to learn more about National Punctuation Day Baking Contest. If there are two things I love, they're proper punctuation and baking. As my favourite punctuation mark is a semicolon, that's what I'll bake. The dot is the easy part . . . do I carve the comma out of another shape? I guess so. Also, this day gives me an excuse to figure out what tipsy cake is.

As if appearing in Millennium, Buffy the Vampires Slayer, and Angel didn't buy him enough Cult Cred, actor James Marsters has signed on to Caprica, the upcoming Battlestar Galactica spin-off.

I'm still only halfway through watching BSG, but I'll definitely look forward to seeing Marsters on Caprica when I finally get through the series!

Fanboys is a film with a troubled past; subplots that were shot, then deleted when a new director was brought on board, only to be re-inserted by the original director after that.  The film hit theatres years after its original intended release date, and it played on a limited number of theatres with little marketing to support it.

Which is unfortunate. The film isn't great, but there are definitely three or four huge laughs in there (Peyote Ewok, I'm looking at you) and it is a story with real heart to it.

That said, the studio missed a HUGE opportunity in the marketing of this film. Forget about the all the fantastic cameos (Shatner!). Forget about Seth Rogen playing multiple characters. Forget about all of that.  The studio could have advertised one thing and on thing only, and this movie would have been a hit!

Yes, ladies and gentleman, Fanboys features Veronica Mars in a Slave Girl Leia outfit:

Hollywood Reporter reported (heh) this morning that Taylor Kitsch has been cast as the lead in John Carter of Mars, an adaptation Edgar Rice Burroughs book series, which Disney hopes has franchise potential. I'm all about a) Taylor Kitsch and b) fame coming his way (and not just because he's in my fantasy studio), but do me a favour and click on the HR link. Because what is that? Is that a bad photo of Taylor Kitsch? I did not know such a thing was possible! He looks a bit like Hugh Jackman (never good), and I don't know, exactly. Tired and a little ruddy. I didn't know there was a lighting/clothing/make up situation in which he could look like anything less than an Adonis, so I'm a little confused by the very existence of the image.

I was reading Wired's "Top 10 Ways to Provoke a Geek Argument," and I was shocked (shocked) to discover that I might not be as big a geek as I suspected. Sure, there were some on there that made me roll my eyes, but nothing worth fighting about. After all, I'm not that big on Tolkien (I hate singing in books; it's a personal problem). Then we got to number 2 on the Top 10 countdown: "Joss Whedon is a hack!" Now that one got my blood boiling. Geek reputation? Safe.