At (Cult)ure we're in the business of producing written words, but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy things like spoken words or words set to music or things that don't have words at all. So each week we'll bring you a small collection of non-written things that we enjoyed.

Best Podcast: Mike & Tom Eat Snacks, "Episode 52"

Mike and Tom have always made a point of not revealing the snack until they actually get around to eating it, so I'm not going to spoil the fun. Nor will I explain who Matty Ice is or what he does to deserve a two-person standing ovation. If these simple facts aren't enough to tempt you, well, laughter is the best medicine for whatever is the matter with you. Click. Listen. Laugh.

No sooner did we publish the (Cult)ys, our first annual ridiculously specific TV and cinema awards, than all manner of other awards I could have given started to flow freely in my brain. I've decided to call these forgotten awards "outliers"* and post them as they come to me, so they can live in infamy (or just on the internet. One or the other). So, let's kick it off with . . .

Best Shrimping Boat Redemption of a Previously Thought Un-redeemable Character
Sonny (Michiel Huisman), Treme

Over the course of the first season of Treme, it was made clear that every character, no matter how horrible s/he seemed, had redeeming qualities. Everyone, that is, except Sonny. Sonny was a not-particularly talented musician/drug addict who cheated on and hit his girlfriend. If he had died between seasons, I doubt he would be have been missed. When Season 2 began, Sonny may not have had a girlfriend anymore, but he still had a drug and attitude problem. He was either in constant danger of being kicked out of Antoine's (Wendell Pierce) band (his one and only source of income) or actually kicked out of it. So imagine our surprise when one of Sonny's fellow bandmates (Cornell Williams) sized Sonny up, pronounced that he was "in no danger of becoming no great musician," and took him out to the coast to put him to work on a shrimping boat. I don't know if it was the hard work, the sea air, or getting clean that did it, but, by the end of the season, Sonny was not only doing better work with the band, he was dating a nice girl who's father runs a shrimp company. Oddly enough, now I want to see if those two kids can work it out. 

Lauren's already kicked it off in the comments on the latest Mayfair chat, but, since it's December 1st and therefore the day I officially start listening to Christmas music of my own accord,* let's take a minute to share a couple of faves, shall we?

I was perusing the latest Fast Forward Weekly (a Calgary-based alt weekly) when I came across Danny Austin's Super 8 review. Check the description/subtitle/abstract/whatever you want to call it:  "Finally, an original movie hits screens."

What's that you say? An original movie? Sounds like someone read a little article about this year's crop of original summer movies! 

I mean, you know, probably not. But because I am the queen of specious shout-outs, I shall claim it. Shout out!

Correction is one of our greatest allies. The eraser, white-out, and the backspace key all give us the supreme power to take back what we have done and improve upon it. Imagine typing an email (letter, I guess) on a typewriter. Every keystroke counts. Every keystroke is final, absolute. What a terrifying prospect. Imagine the energy it would take to write something under such strict demands. *Shudder*. No, thank you. With the ability to correct our actions, we can relax and be flexible. Try something out, see if it works; if not, just correct it. With this licence to make mistakes comes an undeniable freedom. The dirty side of correction is that even if we can correct something, the original version exists somewhere. Some one will have read that typo before you catch it and correct it. The disgusting, indecent, erring version can haunt you. The ability to correct can also grab hold of a person and drive them to insanity. The song must be perfect. There can be no mistakes in this document. This risotto must have the ideal balance of savory herbs and bright citrus. This month at (Cult)ure, we take a look at the things in our cultural landscape that need to be righted. We also ask the question, "When is a mistake a good thing?" PBS tree painting icon Bob Ross called mistakes "happy accidents," and maybe he was on to something. No, wait. Let us correct that. He wasn't.

Anarchy has arrived a state of lawlessness where rules are not welcome nor enforced in an attempt to pay homage to this inspiring topic we give you this editors note sans punctuation it is actually physically painful for us to do so but no one said anarchy is an easy order anarchy occurs when we take a cold hard look at the structures and institutions in our society and we say you know what we are out screw the rules we are going to make our own path and blaze a new trail towards something unlike that which has come before us it is without a doubt a terrifying road to walk but maybe in doing so we can find a way to fix the things in our lives and in our world that threaten to destroy us  this month we salute all those people who decide to work outside the system to create new realities by overthrowing the standing order this month we bring you Anarchy

When Blair said that on last Monday’s Gossip Girl, “Panic Roommate,” I may have yelled, “THESIS STATEMENT.” Because, seriously, if Gossip Girl had a central idea, it would be “scheming and burlesque,” right? Also, I hope Jacob took that as a massive shout out. Otherwise, though I haven’t been recapping, I have been watching, and Gossip Girl is still doing everything I love: Serena’s moves on to the next guy as soon as the first gets close, Blair’s up to her eyes in a scheme of her own making, Dan’s hating, Chuck’s making faces, and Nate’s getting pimped. Yay!

Ex-Con Estates

So get this: Goofus (he’s Goofus all episode long, no?) didn’t even ask Dan if it would be okay to move an ex-con into the loft. He brought it up once and just assumed that Dan would be on board because . . . Ben was falsely accused? Making up for Lily’s lies is Goofus’ full time job now? Maybe Dan should show a little gratitude toward his totally rent-free existence? I would argue the last, but Goofus is probably thinking the first. So Dan immediately goes running to Eric with what he perceives as a serious problem.

Exile is a cold and unyielding place. We exile that which we can no longer stand, the things we find most reprehensible. Crimes against humanity? Adult contemporary music? Disagreement with the Pope? See ya later, Hilter, Michael Bolton, and Dante! 

Exile can also be self-imposed. We can choose to exile ourselves from a part or all of society. I will never eat at that Eastside Mario's again. Ever. In choosing exile, do we also not choose a certain freedom? Freedom from the things (or ideas) that bind us to our past? Freedom to be whoever we want, away from the things that defined us in our previous lives. Exile is certainly not for the faint of heart, but neither is February in Ottawa.

Friday

La Petite Mort Gallery presents...
Not Another X-mas Sale!
LPM's Great Big Holiday Sale
Friday December 17, 2010 / 7 - 10pm
Tunes by Big Mac Daddy
Proudly sponsored by CKCU 93.1 FM
Statement:
Christmas sales, holiday blow out prices, so many sales and yet none of them offer anything that you really want! This year, take care of your shopping list early and come on down to La Petite Mort Gallery to buy the hottest gifts you could ever give.
What we have to offer:

• Works from our Private Gallery Collection available up to 50% off!
• Selection of works from our artists at door smashing prices!
• Gift Certificates for those hard to buy people - Come in today and get your stocking stuffers.
• We will also have paper works available from our portfolio’s in the upper gallery -works at unbelievable prices!

Come out and get your shopping groove on, score some Christmas gifts, and help support the arts in Ottawa!

Golden Globe nominations, because of their comedy/drama split, are always a mixed bag. Despite the fact that some excellent movies have come out in the last year, it's been more miss than hit, so we're going to try to pare it down to an essential viewing/incredibly biased predictions. Here we go:

Film

Drama

Black Swan, The Fighter

To the human mind, the infinite is a difficult concept to grasp. We are not infinite (at least not the corporeal version of ourselves that lives and dies on this planet). And while the definite end we face may be frightening, is it not more frightening to consider the possibility that we are somehow infinite? That everything we do and everything we are contributes to a world will be remembered long after our bodies expire? Given this knowledge, should we not try harder, be better, and work to achieve the things we know we are capable of, as well as the things we only dream of?

When Buzz Lightyear quipped, "To Infinity and Beyond," he didn't know the half of it. Or did he? The polycarbonate plastic that encases his toy soul will outlive us all. Frightening prospect, that. Why not take a page out of Buzz's handbook and embrace the everlasting, the ever-being -- the infinite? This month, we invite you to consider the tiny spec that is the Earth in the context of the vast infinity of space and time. It takes a brave heart and a determined mind to stare into the infinite and say, "Let's do this." That being said, we're all in.

Last week’s The Vampire Diaries, “Rose,” was a little lacking in the holy shit compared to “Masquerade.” Of course, it’s hard not to do. Perhaps they were simply observing the cardinal rule of taking it down a notch to avoid blowing one’s wad. If so, well played. We got deeper into the Petrova mystery, Bonnie’s witchy powers, and Salvatore heartbreak. Also, did I mention the ROAD TRIP? Let’s go.

ROAD TRIP

Stefan’s chillin’ like a villain at school (I take a minute to laugh at this continued pretence). Jeremy strolls up to point out that’s easier to get someone to cover for you if you give that someone a heads up. Stefan doesn’t know what Jer’s talking about, and it pretty soon they both realize that Elena’s unaccounted for. Stefan is going to have a meltdown.

It’s November, which means it’s Blair’s birthday, and I don’t even care that “War of the Roses” would have me believe Blair licks her own envelopes. Surely they have one of those giant machines that you run the envelopes through like we have at work. If not, Dorota would be using one of those sponge rollers. It doesn’t matter, though, since last night’s Gossip Girl isn’t wholesale about sex, as the preview would have you believe, but about treaties and double crosses and everyone being in the dark about everyone else. Classic Gossip Girl as would befit the birthday of a queen.

Article 49: Strip Clubs of the Outer Boroughs are ceded to Chuck Bass

Blair’s pretending to eat breakfast with Eleanor, who flew back from Paris to throw Blair an early birthday party. Cyrus sent a signed copy of Eleanor Roosevelt’s This I Remember. Blair invites Dorota upstairs for a dramatic reading of page 1 before she heads out to meet Serena.

If every episode of Season 6 were like "Weekend at Bobby's," I'd want to see the show go on for another six seasons. Too bad it looks like things will be more like last night's Supernatural, "Live Free or Twihard." It's a solid premise, and it goes pretty well at first: Pretty young vampires are using teen girls' Twilight fantasies to lure them out. Robert and Kristen meet twice at some club set up exclusively for these fantasies, repeating dialogue and scene-lets directly from the movies. Robert's even doing a credible Robert Pattinson. I am highly amused by the whole thing, including how massively stupid Kristen is. Soon enough, he's got her down a dark alley and those fangs he pointed to were real. Whoops! Bye, Kristen!

As monster of the week sets ups go, it's excellent. Even after that, as sleuthing begins, it's a pretty good episode. Whereas Dean calls Bobby when they need intel, Sam leans on and takes his marching orders from Grandpa Samuel. He thinks six missing girls and a jacked blood donor truck means serious business.  The camera, btw, spends about one hundred hours making sure you understand that this is a blood delivery truck. My viewing companion wonders why they need the blood bags if they've got the fresh stuff, and I reply, "Making babies," which I then further clarify as "for newborn vampires."

The Winchesters lie to some highly uninterested and never seen again dad to gain access to Kristen's hilarious goth room, littered with vampire romance novels and cardboard cutouts and bad poetry. The show doesn't even bother showing us which lie the boys used to get in the door. They crack Kristen's laptop and hit the bar where she met Robert, pegging two guys as possible vamps. Sam cruises one into a basement storage room and slices off his head. We sigh, remembering how awesome it was when he sliced Gordon's head off with razor wire. Dean learns that his young squire is just trying to get laid and remarks, "I'll be damned," when he learns that putting glitter on really can help you get laid. Since we've all seen Buffy, we know what saying, "I'll be damned," in a dark alley means. Vampired! Yup, the big guy Robert handed Kristen off to in the opening appears, calls Dean pretty, beats him up, and forces blood down his throat while Sam watches with an evil little smirk on his face.

Last week's Gossip Girl, "Goodbye Columbia," offered the usual scheming and machinations by Chuck and Blair, eye-popping stupidity for Vanessa and Nate, and stupendous lack of awareness for Serena. I would complain, but this (and the insane clothes) is why we watch the show, is it not?

Scheming: I Almost Forgot How Much I Used to Enjoy Your Pie

Blair's deluded herself into thinking that Columbia's campus will provide an oasis from her war with Chuck. Naturally, this incantation summons Chuck to campus: he's "auditing a few classes" for . . . something . . . related to the Bart Bass Memorial Rotunda. Amazingly, Blair's reaction is pretty much, "Buh?", so Chuck starts explaining a rotunda in a way not dissimilar to the time he cut Gabriel (who's amazing in The Social Network, btw) off with "I think we all know what a Ponzi scheme is." Blair's shock, however, is to seeing her oasis so quickly revealed as a mirage, and this will not be the last time this episode the Chuck has to explain the concept of war to Blair.

For those of you just tuning into the blog (we love you, too!), here's what you've been missing so far this month in (Cult)ure proper:
Roxy Munro offers tips for keeping life sexy when there's no time for sex.

Why it doesn't matter if The Social Network is factually accurate.

Reviews of Arcade Fire, Armin van Buuren Ft. Sophie Ellis-Bextor, and Marina & the Diamonds.

Crash Course in Inner Peace: Chakras

The art and sport of vaulting demands not only strength but also grace, and, of course, a well-trained horse.    

Best Season of Mad Men Ever? From Miss Blankenship to Joan and Peggy's power in the office, Season 4 has been really boss.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

DIRECTOR: SAMUEL BAYER

Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Kyle Gallner, Rooney Mara, Katie Cassidy, Thomas Dekker, Kellan Lutz

Five teenage friends living on one street all dream of a sinister man with a disfigured face and a gardeners glove with knives for fingers, but when one among them dies, they soon realize that what happens in their dreams happens for real and the only way to stay alive is to stay awake. Buried in their past is a debt that has just come due. To save themselves, they must plunge into the mind of the most twisted nightmare of all: Freddy Krueger. Jackie Earle Haley plays the legendary evildoer in this contemporary re-imagining of the seminal horror classic.

GENRE: HORROR
FORMAT: DVD & BLU-RAY
RUNTIME: 97 MINS
RATED: R

What makes a badass badass? Is it a motorcycle and leather jacket, à Marlon Brando in The Wild One? Is it sensitive Holden Caulfield's escape from all the phonies in The Catcher in the Rye? Is it the complete opposite of selling J.D. Salinger's toilet on eBay? (We're gonna go with yes on that last one).

Badass is a lot of different things to a lot of different people, so definitions naturally vary. Mostly, badassery isn't just action, it's an attitude. It's a confidence that permeates every action combined with intolerance for bullshit and a certain level of apathy toward things that don't concern the badass. It's Maslow's self actualization by way of The Most Interesting Man in the World.

There is no badass uniform, no secret handshake or easy identifier. Badasses simply are. They're trail blazers without calling too much attention to themselves, so we're here to do it for them. For this, the third anniversary issue of (Cult)ure, we've gathered together badasses from politics and pop culture, so you don't have to. Welcome to the Badass issue.

Yesterday, I read in read in the Vulture that Jay Baruchel “broke ranks” with the “Apatow crew’s unofficial policy of avoiding well-paying blockbuster crap” to make The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, meaning that should he be smarting from the “commercial and critical drubbing” that movie’s received, he really brought it on himself. This article is merely a trifle, not meant to be taken über-seriously (we don’t even know that he is smarting), but it’s unfortunately exactly the type of trifle that puts a bee in my bonnet. To wit: is Jay Baruchel even that big a part of the house that Apatow built?

Yes, he starred in Undeclared, which the Vulture is correct in reminding you is “so, so good.” Bear in mind that Judd Apatow, for all we credit him for, has written and directed exactly three movies: The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Funny People. Of those, Baruchel has starred or co-starred in exactly zero. He’s a supporting player in Knocked Up. The article quotes Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill repeatedly. Rogen was a supporting player in Virgin, the star of Knocked Up, and the co-star of Funny People. Hill appeared in Knocked Up and Funny People and co-starred in the Apatow-produced Superbad and Get Him to the Greek. Of all the other Apatow-produced (and therefore, one assumes, approved) movies, Baruchel has appeared in none. Heck, his Undeclared love interest Carla Gallo has appeared in more Apatow movies.

In Canadian pop culture (particularly on the English-speaking side), we have this idea that you haven’t made it here until you’ve made if there (in the U.S.). Despite his comic talent and not inconsiderable charm, Baruchel hasn’t made it there in the way that fellow Canadian and ur-Apatow-ian Rogen or even Hill has. Instead, he’s carved out his own path in Canadian fare like Just Buried, The Trotsky, and the upcoming Good Neighbours. Not exactly the stuff of Apatow. This is not to say that he won’t in the future, just that for whatever reason he hasn’t played as big a role as the Vulture’s headline would have you believe. At the end of the article they offer up the “unlikely possibility” that Baruchel “genuinely thought The Sorcerer’s Apprentice would be good,” but that would have been my first guess. Who doesn’t want to make a movie with Nicholas Cage? If I got a call right now to appear in Ghost Rider 2, I’d be there.

Adding to our list of specious shout outs is Rolling Stone's story that got General McChrystal fired. "The Runaway General"? Meet the Runaway issue.