RuPaul's Drag Race: The Fabulous Bitch Ball 

Last week, the ladies (including a briefly re-appearing Kenya Michaels) got to frock some dads, with mixed results. The incoherent Kenya Michaels was sent home again, and no one cares again. The girls talk briefly about how Latrice has been in the bottom twice, but also about how Chad has never had to lip sync for his liiife. To be fair to Sharon, she only had to in that Frenemies week where she was relying on her arch-enemy, Phi Phi O'Hara. 

DILFs: Dad's I'd like to Frock

Last week, a very political challenge exposed the weakness in Dida Ritz (that weakness being her lack of style and boringsauce personality). Sharon Needles won the challenge for her frighteningly accurate portrayal of some recent female political candidates. Also last week, Ru announced that one of the departed queens would be coming back into the competition. It turns out that Michelle and Santino selected the incomprehensible Kenya Michaels to return. This seems like as good a choice as any, because at least she brings a professional look. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Frock the Vote

 Last week, Willam won the challenge, but was kicked off the show for "breaking a rule" of the show. We don't know what said rule was, but she is outta here. We won't find out what rule was broken until the reunion show, which is a damn shame. 

Frenemies

Last week, Phi Phi O'Hara finally did well and won a challenge. Jiggly Caliente was sent sashaying away, probably a few episodes late. SheMail arrives and it is a strange one where Ms. Ru fights with her frenemy…who is Ms. Ru. Mr. Ru introduces the mini-challenge, which is a fun one where the girls have to take a lie detector test. The most hilarious question is repeated in some form for each player. "If X were the last ladyboy on earth, would you kai kai with her". Yes, I had to look up the spelling and possible use of that. It turns out everyone would kai kai with Latrice. Good things to know. These lie detectors are used to gauge the girls' personalities, and then they are paired up with another girl that they are different from. The pairs are Dida Ritz & Chad Michaels, Latrice Royale & Willam, and Phi Phi & Sharon. The challenge is to stage a production of some new original song. The big twist is that they won't be syncing the song, they will be singing it live. For many of these girls, this is a problem because they don't sing. 

During the Ru visit, we learn that the ladies will be judged as a team, so the bottom team will have to lip sync for their liiiives against each other. That adds some interesting drama to the mix. The next day, the teams get a chance to work with Ru's music partner and producer, Lucian Piane, who will give them feedback on their numbers. Details of each of the rehearsals are below, but in general, none of the people know the song well enough. 

Dragazines 

Previously on RuPaul's Drag Race, Milan was a bit of a mess again, and was sent home. Jiggly was also in the bottom, and we learned that he is a balding dude. Willam won the Pride float challenge, and was generally annoying.  

SheMail arrives, and it is all about libraries today. That's right, these gals are getting read. As we learned in past seasons, "reading" is kind of like roasting. It involves slamming your fellow queen with details about how they are slutty, ugly, fat, or whatever. It isn't as mean-spirited as it sounds, and all of the girls seem to enjoy it. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Float Your Boat

Last week, Chad Michaels blew us away with his dead-on Cher impersonation. Kenya Michaels was sent sashaying away for not knowing who Beyoncé was and for being incoherent. I can't say we'll miss her. Phi Phi was told to step it the eff up, and we are really over her. 

The mini challenge this week is a wet t-shirt contest. The ladies each get a new silicone breast plate from some hilarious website that donated them. The contest is various degrees of frightening, and we see Latrice's blurred business. Latrice also does the freaking splits, which I am always impressed with.   

Last week, there was some drama between Sharon Needles and Phi Phi O'Hara. The Princess was (rightly) sent home. 

There is some brief chatter before the mini-challenge where Phi Phi is a bitch to Sharon Needles again. If she is going to choose a dog's name, I am going to make references to her as such. 

Glamazons vs. Champions 

Last week, adorably dumb LaShauwn Beyond was sent home for his lack of confidence on the mainstage and because Billy B. hated him. Lame. But he wasn't going to make it very far. 

SheMail arrives and Ms. Ru is talking about all of her songs like "Covergirl," and "Glamazon". Mr. Ru shares a video of a fan of Ru's named Piyah Martell who was born without legs. The queens are touched by her story and have to create a butterfly-inspired headress in her honour. They are varying degrees of fabulous, with Latrice Royale and Milan's number not even staying on the mannequin head. Phi Phi, Kenya and Jiggly take the win. Phi Phi and Kenya win a coin toss to be team captains. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Wrestling's Trashiest Fighters

Last week, a RuPocalypse gave us creepy looks from Sharon Needles and not really anyone else. Jiggly Caliente was given a second chance, while recent DUI-recoveree Alisa Summers was sent sashaying away. We will not miss her. 

One second is spent mourning the loss of Alisa and discussing how Lashauwn needs to speak up before SheMail arrives. It is cryptic, as always, and then Mr. Ru gives them this week's mini challenge. The girls get 30 minutes to sculpt an ass out of various padding materials. The results are ridiculous, and all of their new butts are like lumpy and stuff.  

Rupocolypse Now

Oh boy. We are back, people, and the most fabulous hour of reality television is with us. It is season four of RuPaul's drag race, and I am so happy to be recapping it again for you. If you are new to the show or to my recaps, welcome. This show gives us reality TV at its very best, a unique look at a bizarre world filled with larger-than-life characters. 13 drag queens compete to become "America's Next Drag Superstar", and this is evaluated based on four criteria. Charisma. Uniqueness. Nerve. Talent. The ladies enter one at a time and size each other up. My first impression reactions of each of them are below.

Willam: Willam starts off by telling us how she is an actor and has been on Sex and the City (or perhaps it is the movie, I don't know). She makes a point of saying he didn't come up through the club system, so she is a bit of an outsider. She really has a lot to say about herself, and I am guessing she will clash with some people. She is a very pretty lady.

The finals are here! It seems like we have been at this for a very long time. And by we, I mean me. Hope Solo was thankfully sent home last week, leaving us with three deserving finalists. We have the inspiring J.R. Martinez (a veteran who was badly injured while serving the U.S. military), former talk show host Ricki Lake, and relative of "famous" people, Rob Kardashian. If you had told me when we started this season that I wouldn't be actively rooting against Rob this week, I would not have believed you. He still isn't my favourite, but he has worked hard and earned his spot in the finals. Also, I love his partner, Cheryl. For the finale show (which is thankfully just one hour), each of the couples have just two dances including a fun freestyle round, and they get to have a teaching session with one of our esteemed judges as well.  

Ricki Lake and Derek (Cha Cha Cha):

We have come a long way together, folks. From mopping to tucking to beating our faces. I’m getting teary just thinking about it, which just won’t work because in honor of tonight’s finale, I am decked out in full drag myself. Last week, we had a fun recap show that was more entertaining than probably any recap show I have ever watched. I didn’t recap it here, but I highly recommend you check it out. Chaz Bono appears in a Ru Burlesque stage act cover of Cher’s performance of “You haven’t seen the last of me”. Amazing stuff, I tell you.

On to tonight’s finale! The three ladies we have left are Alexis Mateo, the super sweet queen with prom-fashion sensibilities, Manila Luzon, co-creator of the dumb Heathers group and overactor (but she does have a pretty solid look and generally fabulous outfits), and my personal fave, Raja—runway model with a talent for fashion and a walk that would make Tyra (and Miss J) proud. Who will take home the (literally 2 foot tall) crown? Ru tells us it will be shocking!

Last week, Shangela was sent sashaying away, and Ru announced that the other judges had the opporunity to save a previously eliminated queen. Who will it be?

Ru introduces this week’s theme with a reference to Grease. “If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter” – Eve Arden is a gem. The ladies prepare to see which queen will be returning to the game, and it is Carmen Carrera. Ugh. I have no patience for her talentless ass. Also, this gives Raja the opportunity to start talking about the Heathers again, which makes me kind of hate Raja (who I actually love).

The mini challenge this week involves the “Badonka donk dunk tank”. The ladies get to try to dunk the fellow contestant of their choosing. Carmen is in the tank first (at the behest of Raja), and there is just something always funny about a person dropping unexpectedly into water. Ru cackles with glee each time it happens. While Raja was unable to dunk Carmen more than one time in her two minutes, Alexis has decidedly better aim and dunks Yara Sofia a hilarious 14 times. Yara attempts to exact her revenge, but she only gets Alexis wet (ahem) 7 times. Manila chooses to dunk Carmen as well, but only gets her once. Carmen chooses to dunk Raja, and dunks her 6 times. From this, we have learned that Heathers can’t throw.